Why am I still here?

I’ve been cursed all my life. I feel like I’m the worst person alive on earth! I suck at everything. I used to be an intelligent student who attains A’s and B’s at school. But now, I’ve been getting D’s and F’s because of my personal problems. I also used to design houses, sing, dance, wirte fictional stories, play chess, swim and go outside but now, I feel like I’m not capable of those things anymore. Depression has been getting over me. I feel like I’m the dumbest person. I’ve never been involved in any of the clubs and school activities because of the feeling I might be left out. No, in correction, I’m always left out all the time. People don’t like me because I’m a little bit weird, shy and ugly person. People just ignore me whenever I try to mingle with them. So because of this, I’ve started becoming an anti-social person. I’ve become eccentric to everyone, including my family and so called friends. People make me feel like I have a deadly contagious disease so they always avoid me even though I didn’t do anything bad to them.

I’ve been hurt, judged, ignored, abused and insulted all my life. The horrible things started when I was a kid. My father had been hitting me whenever I did something bad. Although the mistakes sometimes were too petty, he would still hurt me physically or verbally. I also remembered the time when he hit my head on the wall and beating me up by a broom in front of some people. I will never ever forget those awful things. Even now, he still says bad things to me and my brothers and he’s so strict to us. He’s also judgmental sometimes and thinks he is always right. He even manipulates my mom. However, I love my mom and my two little brothers. They are my source of strength and happiness.

On the other hand, I’ve been bullied since elementary school. My classmates used to call me ugly names such as worthless, bag of bones, ugly, loser, piece of shit, waste of space  and they even made fun of my name even though I didn’t do anything bad to them. As a result, I moved to a lot of schools until high school but still, I’m always getting picked on. I’m still wondering why but I think the main reason why I’m getting bullied is I’m a worthless and failure. Even now, people would judge me behind my back. I’m always alone and depressed all my life. I have friends but sometimes, I feel like they’re not into me. Sometimes, I’m even left out from them. To escape from sadness, I started cutting myself. I also started to fail at everything because I feel like it’s not worth it. I’ve been contemplating suicide and I’m thinking of committing it on spring break. I think suicide will set me free. Nobody cares nor loves me so I should die as much as possible. I’m just a waste of space and I don’t deserve to live. I really can’t help it but to cry while typing this question. :'( I’m just a worthless and failure anyway so why am I still here?