I’m an 19 year old boy who goes to college. I cant complain about my professional life. However, my social and specially my sentimental life is a mess…
Every girl i ever loved rejects me. I was bullied during my childwood so my self esteem never was very high, but all these rejections are turning it into a whole lower level.
When i entered college i said to myself that i will never fall in love during that time. that i was there only to learn and have fun. That promise didnt last more than a couple of months. i met this wonderful girl, a tiny little girl that has everything i may want in a girl: she is beautifull, she has an awesome musical taste (the same as mine, which is very difficult to find), and she is so cute that she completely melts my heart… we talked for several months but i knew she liked/dated a boy that was going to Brazil. that was my chance: let pass some months and try my luck. we talked very often. i made her laugh and she made me laugh. until one day someone told me that she said that she didnt want me to love her, that she wouldnt know how to handle it. i tried to back off, but she got sad because she was losing a friend. that completely destroyed me. seeing her bad because of me was worse than a knife through my heart. i started to talk again to her, to hang out again with her. despite it was killing me on the inside, but at least she was happy. and deep down, i allways had the hope of she’d like me someday.
I went camping with her and some more couple a friends. in the last night with them, one of her best friends told me that she was dating a guy. a guy i dont know, that no one ever talked about, a guy that a never saw her with. at first a didnt believe, but when i asked if she needed a ride home, se told me that she didnt need (she has some difficulties to get rides). when i was going home, i saw a guy picking her up. who he was i think is more than obvious….
that got worse than a bomb… i got the worst breakdown i can remember. i almost stopped eating, and i just want to rip my heart off. i started to cut myself and thinking in ways of suicide. i cant handle it anymore. seeing her with other person is something that i cant imagine.
3 comments
I know how u feel. I have a crush he knows I like him to, that just makes it worse, he dates one of my friends so I have to keep a distance. we talk every day and almost every night we like the same every thing and I just don’t know what to do. His girlfriend is now going to another school so I might get my chance. What I keep telling him is the truth, like how since I’m so tall that he makes me feel like the shortest person in the world, or how he makes me laugh till I fall out of my chair then I’m still laughing. He thinks it cute and that I am so I stopped cutting my arms. If love can hurt you it can also heal you.
Really sorry to hear that you are suffering a heartbreak. The first one hits so hard and so deep, but it comes to pretty much all of us. At the end of the day it sounds like this girl loved you as a friend. That shows you are lovable – she just wasn’t attracted to you I guess. Girls tend to be picky. Personal chemistry is just that – personal. One can never predict such things.
I don’t want o resort to platitudes, but it’s hard not to, when someone is going through a heartbreak. You don’t need to die over this. You sound like you have a lot going for you in other ways, it’s just going to take you a bit longer than some of your peers to find someone you can gel with and become intimate. And for what it’s worth, I believe you will!
i dont need to die obviously, but the question is: is my life worth living? this is happening all the time and i dont want to end up with someone i dont love just so i wont be lonely…