I don’t form connections with people easily and when it rarely happens the other person runs a mile because I don’t deal well with it. But this time with this one person she didn’t turn her back on me. She listens to what I say for the most part, doesn’t just ignore me like everyone else did and makes me feel like I exist and matter.
I haven’t been coping very well with living lately. We work together in a high pressure environment which has me stressed out for most of time. And the past few days we’ve been arguing which I NEVER do with anyone. But arguing to me means that you care about it enough to put the effort in and you have to have a certain amount of trust in that person that they are not going to hurt you badly for it. And she didn’t just walk away like she could have done.
We ended the last day tired and still a little angry but ok. But now she’s away and I won’t see her for over 2 weeks. And it’s killing me. I can’t stop feeling the pain because she’s not here. I worry that something may happen and she’ll never come back. It’s like she’s the only thing worth living for. And I don’t know why.
I’ve never really had a proper friendship before and I’ve never been in love. I just know she feels like family and I’d do anything for her. I don’t know if it’s the same for her, I just know she didn’t run. I don’t know what any of it means. Should one person mean that much?
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Wow. Be careful bluesun. I had a friend like that who meant the world to me, we were so close, she was more like family than my family were. I’m sorry to say it didn’t work out well for me. It turned out I trusted her too much, and she had so many other friends and people in her life, she simply didn’t stand to lose what I did…
I’m not saying your friend can’t be trusted. Just if you put all your eggs in one basket and she’s not doing the same, that you will get hurt. It’s better not to invest too much in one person. I learned that the hard way.
And if she is more to you than a friend, why not tell her that? Unless you’re scared of losing her altogether that is. Which I would understand. Sorry if this is garbled, but I can really relate to your situation.
And that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. We are completely different. She is outgoing and makes friends easily it seems, so I could quite easily get left behind in the dust, broken & bleeding if that’s what she decided. And conversely I don’t want to hurt her and take her down as I fall lower because I don’t think she’d be able to deal with that either.
But the thing is I don’t trust people but she inexplicably has a certain amount of my trust and I can’t help that. The situation we’re in we need each other but that won’t last forever. I don’t think it will end well but It seems I’m powerless to stop it. It hurts so much already that I sometimes wish we’d never met at all, but then that makes me feel worse.
I’m sorry it didn’t end well for you. Thank you for understanding, I don’t feel quite so crazy knowing someone can relate to this.
I think seppuku has the right idea with not putting all your eggs in one basket. People are finicky and unpredictable.
I very much agree here with seppuku. You’re problem of latching on to a person is one I’ve had all my life. I don’t know that I’ll ever learn though.
Well, more recently I had several people but when my wife left, she seemed to take them with her. I just don’t find friends easily and the ones I do have no interest in discussing that sort of thing (or could be trusted with the information). I’m there for their motives only. Lately I’ve been avoiding all of them.
Now I’m here because I had no one to turn to anymore to talk freely. And that was after a while. I had been getting by, but now I am letting myself drown more. It’s hard to care when you feel like no one else (in real life) does. The people here are nice and understanding but it’s not the same. Still, they are keeping me afloat somehow.
That, and people just can’t be there all the time to help you make the swim.
I understand what you’re saying and agree. But I don’t know what to do. To go from nothing to the possibility of something… how do you walk away from that? When it happens so rarely? Is this what true friendship is or does that not really exist? I think I must only have 2 types of relationship with people, either ‘family’ or just ‘people I know’. There doesn’t seem to be an in between.
Maybe the 2 weeks will give me time to gain some clarity but I doubt it. I think I just have to accept the pain of the inevitable end when it comes and hope I’m in a better frame of mind.
I’m sorry for your loss copelessness. Like you I’ve avoided people for months because I just can’t stand to be around people who don’t really care. It really does help to be on here but you’re right, it’s not the same.
If you don’t allow yourself to trust you never allow yourself to love so what’s the point. Who’s to say you’ve lost her? Why the doom and gloom over one disagreement? Maybe maybe not. But at least you had the journey. For that moment. However long a few months a few weeks a year? You two had a friendship and you were happy. Some people Never get that. My point is you don’t even know the outcome yet. You are making assumptions. And you know the saying.
It’s not that I think I’ve lost her, not yet anyway. I just don’t know how to define what we have and what it means? I want so badly to trust someone completely. But you’re right, I’m lucky to have had anything at all. Even if it may destroy me in the end.
aw im glad 4 u
Why do you have to define it and why does it have ti destroy you? I have learned that people come and go and that what we shared was what it was at the time. I was fortunate to have it then. I really have grown being in counseling. Trust me. I’m single. With absolutely no prospects. My husband is in prison for having sex with a minor. He got twelve years and I have an almost three year old. But I have great perspective on relationships. Always have. I don’t dwell. Never have never will.
Maybe I shouldn’t try to define it, it’s just that’s how my mind works to try to make sense of things. This hasn’t really happened to me before, I don’t bond with people to that extent. And now I might have it I don’t want to ever let go of it but I know that’s not in my control. And if I lose it then that is what may destroy me because it means so much. I know I need to gain perspective but it seems like the most important thing in my life right now. Even with everything that’s going on with you which is way more than I’ve ever had to deal with, you sound way more grounded than me.
It’s not a contest. Just trying to show you that it’s better to be alone and strong than surrounded by a mob and lonely. She’s not gone. And she may still be your friend. Quit stressing. You have no data to base anything on right now. If and when you get data process it then. Then we can discuss your options friend…..
Thank you
Yvw
Be careful with that relationship. Even if it’s just a friend and it stays at that you clearly sound like you are developing deeper feelings, as you said, you see her as family already. And having a relationship with someone you work with is never a good idea, if the relationship falls apart the workplace turns into hell for the one who still has feelings (even if it’s just friendship). I’d say get to know her better before trusting so much in her, because you sound like you don’t know her that much.