Feeling really down right now, lonely and depressed, I’m never going to be happy, loneliness isn’t just being alone but the knowledge that I’m always going to be alone and I’m going to die alone. Forty six next month and I didn’t want to last this long, oh how I wish I was dead, just a little more time to see but not too long, what’s the point of putting it off. The young still have a chance to get things right but I’ve screwed my life up so it’s different, suicide seems more acceptable to me when middle aged, this world is for the get-up-and-go type of people, I’m just paranoid of others and so stay self contained, not really my world.
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52 here, nias, and with so many bad decisions already behind me that impact my life now and will in the future, so I know where you’re coming from. My life’s been devastated by a psychotic illness (manic depression). No longer psychotic, but have to live with all the s*** my illness created. It makes me feel angry and bitter. I’m very alone too. Sorry I can offer no advice or comfort…just commiserating.
I have an elderly mother though whom I would hate to hurt. She’s pretty healthy, who knows how long she’ll last, could be another decade. Truthfully I’ve had enough right now, but must soldier on somehow I guess.
Thank you seppuku, it’s hard to be alone in life and seeing every day, couples walking hand in hand together and not experiencing it myself, my last relationship was many, many years ago and I doubt I’ll have another. It has helped in the past to read comments like yours; it will always be comforting for me to get understanding from those who travel the same dark road as me. I’m trying to move away from the site now, I have been feeling better for a while, its just last night I was particularly down and depressed; it seems like I will always be OKish for a while and then be dragged down. I’m sorry that your life is so empty as well, I can’t say things may look up because I know better but take care, I hope you can keep it together like me, though.