Im just done. I cannot take this anymore. I can no longer handle being shoved around or not having anyone there for me. Its just to overwhelming, to stressful, to depressing. I feel so alone. Nothing matters. Numbness is my bestfriend. Im just not enough to hold up all this weight. No one would see this coming. I never showed a sign of hurt when they called me those names. Saying i looked aneroxic and that no one likes me. Really they just pushed it and hid it furthet and further deep down inside of me. But one human being can only take so much. Theres not enough space in my body, soul, or mind to accompany anymore hurtful words, thoughts, or actions. There is a point where it’s to much. Theres no way out, no escape. No red flashing exit to escape the pain. Just an alternative to end it all. As long as youre alive in this world youre trapped in a realm of hate and disgust. Theres just no turning back. Once you see it you cant unsee it. Everything lingers in your mind wanting to be set free but no word, no phrase can ever satisfy the thirst of release in your mind. No word can tell you how hurt i am. No word can release my anger. I cant explain the numbness i feel when i cry for countless hours till i fall asleep. I wonder, if our world is so “great”. Why do i feel like this? I also wonder why people die of cancer. Those people fight to stay alive! They want to. Im not and i dont. I wish if or when i kill myself i could save someone else from sorrow who wants to live. I just cry and hurt because the feelings will never go away. It will always be there. I like to think it doesnt matter how wide the cut it but how deep. The farther the knife is pushed in the more you hurt and bleed. I just want to know. When do people realize theyve gone to far?.. Does something tragic really need to happen for someone to know they have crossed the line? I guess so… i guess no body believes it until they see me.
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First i like to say everyone on earth is beautiful inside and out.And your in that number. but life is just not about sorrw its full of happiness too. Its how you approach things in life. there are gonna be people that are negative ,sloppy and bored period, like they say misery loves company. You have a life to liv,e you have a future. there are people who will listen we all here for that same reason for someone to listen.. Im am truly sorry for what your going through . just have faith seek counseling 1-800-273-8255 everyone needs a friend. just please, please seek help.
Feeling as much pain as you are is a difficult thing. Sometimes I’m surprised my body hasn’t given out on it’s own but that’s how our strength shows. I can’t say that there is an answer to everything you feel and it seems douchey to say that time heals all wounds. Time doesn’t heal the way I wish it did but it shifts possibilities. While today you may have to suffer some people who are pretty shitty, a day, week or year from now you have different opportunities. I mean if nothing matters, why not wait it out?
Sometimes I like to think of this passage: “For whom, it suddenly occurred to him to wonder, was he writing this diary? For the future, for the unborn…For the first time the magnitude of what he had undertaken came home to him. How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him: or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.” 1984 by George Orwell
People, in general, … suck. By and large, they are self absorbed and only “worried” about how they feel at any given moment. When they hurl insults at others, they have no concept of the effect those words have on the intended target … they’re only concerned with how they feel and look to others. It’s pathetic really, when you think that people need to belittle others in order to build their own self worth and importance … it shows me that people who have need to say and do things to others are really the weaker and less significant members of our society … in other words they don’t matter … and their words/deeds shouldn’t matter either …
Two Old Geezer sayings come to mind:
1. “Consider the source”
2. “Let it go in one ear and out the other”
We get to choose the importance of words said to us … most often people will say things out of complete ignorance of any knowledge about their target … only that they’ll “look cool” in front of someone they want to impress … these people are like gnats or mosquitoes … there are lots of them but they’re of no concern in word or deed unless they’re “in your face” then you deal with them only to the extent needed to get them out of your face and go on without regard to their ultimate fate. In other words, Fuck ’em.
Don’t let the buzz of gnats ring in your head long after they’re gone. WE get to choose what we think of ourselves … what others think is merely an opinion … which brings me to a third old geezer saying:
“Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they ALL stink”
If people don’t “like” who you are, don’t waste any time and energy trying to get them to change their minds – they aren’t worth the trouble in the first place and there are plenty of others out in the world who are more likely to relate to you than those dolts.
Fly swatter dawg
Fly *Zapper would have been more appropriate. 😉
(that way, you don’t have to do anything; they just buzz around and zap themselves by being morons, and you don’t even have to decide to swat at them!)
…which reminds me, i’d like to make a DIY zapper. We have an absurd amount of flies and mosquitoes this time of year.
(oh man that ‘e’ in ‘mosquitoes’ is profoundly annoying… i think the dictionary and spell check are wrong this time…)
Please consider calling a suicide prevention hotline. Every country has one. Also there are international online antisuicide services.
There is a group called the Samaritans that will respond to emails from anywhere.
And please tell someone in you know in real life how you feel so they can help you.
Actually, I just realized the Samaritians don’t specialize in helping suicidal people, and don’t offer specific advice, so it might be best to use a different suicide prevention group.