No hate

The site says no hate, but there’s plenty of hate.

I hate being me.  I hate existing.  I hate living in this world.  This trap.

I hate being alone, rejected, unable to live.

I hate that anyone pretends that things get better.

I hate that suicide is never an option.

I hate being forced to live when I know full well it is hopeless.

I don’t want this.  I don’t want to sit here and struggle any longer.  I don’t want to have to struggle my entire life.  I just want to sit back and fade away.

I go to martial arts and I practice, fine.  An hour of distractions while standing in the corner  being incapable of being a human.

Why can’t anyone face facts?  Random strangers on the Internet, I throw myself at your mercy.  Because this is all I got.  The counselor and such I see wonder why I talk less and less (as if I could say much to begin with).

This world has to change.  It has to give us dignity.  It has to give us an out.  My only dream is to fade into the darkness but I can’t do that because I’m supposed to chump up and hang myself just to escape.

Burn the calendar and pretend the years don’t exist.  Can’t stand to live such a degraded existence.  Struggling in this crap society for some piece of cheese that gets yanked away.  There’s nothing for me, can’t they see?  What do they see?

Should I get on my knees and beg?  Beg for human mercy?  The same people who would refer me to their god or to some non-existent form of serious support and therapy while they go on about their ignorant but merry lives of fakery, saying that if I try a little harder life’s bound to come around?

Fuck it.  All I feel is hate.