two more years

i have had depression for as long as i can remember (even as a child i’d have these terrible mood swings but i don’t know what you’d class them under) but it got really bad when i was 12 years old. i am now 16 and if anything my depression has gotten a lot worse over these years.
i know that my life is not as hard as it could be but right now my family has barely enough money to get along, my parents are practically divorced with the way they act around each other and all i want to do is leave this house. my parents have never been in the same room without arguing and me and my mother just can’t get along no matter how much i try. right now my dad lives in another house, me and my mum live together and my sister’s moved out. i wish so badly that i could live with my sister.
everytime i relapse with my cutting is because of something my mum does; everything i do she  seems to have a problem with even though i am what people would see as a good child- i get good grades, i try to be nice to everyone, i think i am physically fit and right now i’m doing volunteering on a summer programme.. and yet my mum twists all of this into negative things. she never says well done when i tell her about anything, she just says “try better next time”. she’s convinced that even the slightest bit of praise will turn me big headed but at this point i have such low confidence because of her that it really would not make a difference. she says that i am a disappointment, and she also says that my volunteering has led me to hang out with “bad people” only because she saw one of them smoking once, and i am not friends with him anyway.. but she thinks i am lying to her.
she constantly emotionally manipulates me and paints herself as the victim in all of this, but she thinks of no one but herself and she thinks that i am some disappointment of a child. she won’t let me do what makes me happy, she only wants me to do things she deems worthy. she’s trying to relive her own life through me and i just cannot handle it.
today i tried to show her my point of view and i tried really hard to keep calm but she ended up making me cry and she said “talk all you want, i won’t be listening” even though i was trying to calmly explain what was on my mind. she always says that i don’t tell her things but when i do she shuts me out and calls me a liar. today she called me a slut, a waste of space and a disappointment. this is the worst argument we’ve had, and also the first one in which she hasn’t cried and tried to make me feel sorry for her. how amusing. she always tries to spin it on me and tells her sad story about how she tries so hard but no one cares about her, but i try so hard to care for her and she turns me away, and the reason she’s alone is that she’s pushed everyone out. you can’t help someone who refuses to accept it.
i only have two more years living in this house, and i am not even sure whether i’ll make it that long. i have nothing to look forward to in my life and i’ve been thinking about offing myself for the past few years. the only reason i’ve made it so long is the thought of one day moving out but at this rate that hope definitely won’t be enough to keep me going.
i am just a waste of money and space to my family and i know for a fact that i can easily be replaced my friends. i can’t get a job and i can’t contribute anything.  i want to disappear so badly but i am a coward and i usually just drink my thoughts away or cut until i feel numb. i want to end it all.