am i that bad

Hi. My name is mike. I’m only 22 and I have two sons. My life has been a train wreck. In had my second son with a woman who stole my heart. She is my everything. I messed up in the beginning of the relationship, talking to other girls online. She found out later after we got married. Yea we worked passed it but we had problems thru out the marriage. I was always drinking when I got emotional and down. I threatened to cut myself or not take my insulin. Things I should of never done. We would have problems an I would run on twitter and become an open book and it was wrong of me. People told me that I needed to stop and I knew this was true but something came over me every time. But now. I’m losing my wife. My family and life is just hard to go on with. I dont want to kill myself. But I really have been feeling so down its been on my mind. I’m just lost and I don’t know what to do.