For a long time I’ve known I would die by suicide. I know now that this time has come. I’ve come to the end of my mortal life and I can’t live any more. The only unknown in this equation is when. I’ve been hospitalised an average of four times a year for the last four years for mood symptoms and psychosis. This feeling of expiring has been building for a couple of years now and it’s grown to the point of no return. I’m not sure that I can come back from this feeling. This feeling of complete emptiness, blockage, doom, the end. The end of all things for me. I am at the end.
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I also have psychosis. I know the the doom and emptiness that comes with mental illness. It’s a fucked up feeling, seeing no way out and no way to return back to the time when your mind was still intact.
i have psychosis as well….i feel that we have to keep fighting but a part of me feels its not fair for me to say that….
to keep on fighting psychosis is a daily struggle. some will win and some won’t
Psychosis always wins for me. I have to stay away from people I love dearly out of fear of what I may do to them. I’m unsure what I’m capable of when it comes to other people but know that in my own psychotic world I am capable of death.. Leaving behind everything and everyone without a shadow of guilt.
yeah true. ”no shame or guilt, there’s nothing there” when those voices tell you to do it it’s all over