four.

My last attempt at “100 days of happiness” is laughable. I got to day two before saying ‘fuck it’, so now I’m back to good old fashioned venting posts.. hence the numbering “four”. I guess I’m not cut out for that gimmicky bullshit. But I get a pat on the back for trying.

So today, it finally dawned on me that I need to lay off the carbs and sugar. I seriously feel like complete shit. Aside from the expected bloating, lack of physical energy, gain of ~6 pounds in the past month, constant breakouts… I’ve been feeling mentally slow, sluggish, lackluster. I woke up at 3 PM, for fuck’s sake, when I told myself I was OVER that phase of my life, and I’m right back at it.

I didn’t step foot outside at all today. I know I can’t keep living like this. Tomorrow, my mom is making me go with her to the gym at around 10 which is just as well because sometimes I think I need someone to discipline my self-indulgent ass. I have no boundaries when it comes to immediate gratification. It sucks and I’m trying to work on it. But school starts again in a little over three weeks and I desperately need to get myself back on track. It’s absolutely crucial, I keep telling myself this and I’ll continue to do so until it’s actually ingrained into my fucking brain. I can’t get kicked out of school. Not when I’ve already invested so much time, effort into making my college years worth it. If I won’t do it for myself, I need to do it for my parents.

Tomrrow is a new day and I’m going to make it count. Trust.