Im not lying when I am saying I was a young age. I was in a grade between 1st and 3rd. Living in a trailer park with a few younger siblings, one being an infant. My dad and mom broke up a while back, and the boyfriend she had at the time is scary and mean that is also the father of my 2 sisters and brother. I remember when I was a kid my dad used to make me go to church. With me brainwashed into the religion every night before I went to bed I cried to god praying that he would take my life. I don’t recall how long this went on for till I tried to make matters into my own hands. In boy scouts I learned how to tie up good knots, so off in the bathroom I went with some decent rope. I got it all set up and ready and remember myself looking in the mirror for a little while when suddenly my sister opens the door. Instantly regretting I locked the door. She starts bawling and runs towards our mom. Not even seconds later mother arrives screaming at me. All I do remember out of the whole situation is me talking to a therapist about what I think about certain things. She asks what I think of my mom and dad being divorced, I couldn’t even give her an answer without me shedding a tear, crying.
This was my only attempt of killing myself. I’m 20 now, and to this very day i’m just as depressed as I was than. Dealing with this agony my whole life has been quite miserable. Not gonna lie though, I have had good experiences in the time that I have been given. I just want to leave this hell. Wish my mom would’ve gotten an abortion.
1 comment
That’s pretty young to be so depressed. That’s great that you can also focus on the good experiences. I guess that’s all we have, eh? Ups and downs..hoping for more ups than downs.