Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer is a padded room.at the same time it feels im beyond help since i am pretty much a nutcase when it. comes to accepting help.i. resist.dont know why.other than. the fact that i am crazy ecspecially. When being held against my willAnd since i cant play by the rules im kicked to the curb and seen as not wanting help and since i cant verbally express my needs in situations i am quote and quote screwed and the only thing left to do is to get up the nerve to make an attempt and go all the way with it. I dont think the attempt on wendsday will be any different than other failed attempts. As my mind is already looking ahead as to what will occur after the attempt.it will still occur cause i dont trust myself to be able to stop at this point.i need a wake up call cause i donr want to keep doing this and hurting my mom with failed attempts. If im going to die that is one thing but to keep failing and torturing people is not my intent i know my family will be sad if i die maybe for a long time.but alive im a dissapointment to myself and others.no job no relationship soon to be a college. Drop out again.i guess the only good thing about death is you only die once and so you may hurt the people you love but you can never hurt them again.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
There’s your problem. You’re telling yourself ‘I will attempt suicide’, not ‘I will die tonight’. Show some confidence 😉
Good luck with life, and if not have a peaceful afterlife.
I don’t have anything helpful to say, but I had to comment. “the only good thing about death is you only die once and so you may hurt the people you love but you can never hurt them again.” I love this. So, so much. I hope you find peace.
I hope you don’t decide to go through with it. I know how you feel though I refused to get help and refused to admit I have a problem until it was too late. Now thanks to my manic behavior I’m facing a really bad situation, a whole bunch of people want my head on a pike. Have you talked to your family about what’s bothering you, or try getting meds?
As someone who also wants to die, but doesn’t want to cause my family that pain I understand. I have to face what is to come on my own two feet. I would wait to go to college until you get your life back on track. You sound like me, I keep failing and repeating a self destructive cycle over and over. I would look back into trying to get help, I would hate your family to go through that pain, they will miss you a lot. You owe it to yourself as well, your situation isn’t as hopeless as you think. Hang in there don’t let your demons beat you.