Anther year since I tried to kill myself. Life’s pretty good. I’ve been talking to one of my friends who recently expressed interest in me. I like them, everyone thinks they like me. But I’m scared, scared they do and scared they don’t. They have texted me into the night, they’re very sweet and considerate and they want to help me, but I’ve swallowed my secrets and depression for so long I can’t give them up. Life is pretty good. I still want to die. That irrational persistence is the mark of a true suicidal person, I think.
I need a plan. If I don’t have an escape I’m trapped, if I’m trapped I will surely go mad.
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4 comments
your current contentmwnt won’t last. Nothing lasts forever. Everything returns to nothing.
Can’t happen soon enough.
You’ve repeated “Life is pretty good” twice. Moving from the point where you tried to commit suicide to saying that two times in a row in a year sounds pretty decent. Adding to that you’re saying that people want to help you I really don’t think you’re on such a bad path. What about you’ve already found a path (partly)? Drop your fears, stop being irrational (and especially stop the fear, there is nothing to fear but fear itself, F.D. Roosevelt). Let’s see how you are doing in another year and if you still wan’t to die then. Maybe so, but let’s just wait and see. I really don’t see any reason why you should have a master plan or are trapped. A master plan traps you, what you’re doing right now is a prefectly fine way.
Agreed, Name. Plans are definitely overrated. In the words of John Lennon ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans’. (Beautiful Boy).