Death By Bullying, Weapon: Suicide

As stupid as it sounds, I thought I would never be bullied.

I know suicide isn’t ever the answer. But it feels like the only option. I can’t live like this anymore. I’ll start from the beginning.

My name is Avolvia, as ugly as it is, I prefer Ava. I’ve always liked my name before I came to live in Mississippi. Before I came here, I lived alone. A runaway that no one looked for or cared for. I wandered everywhere and eventually ended up in the house of a nice old woman who I consider family to me. She took care of me, never asking about my past or why I had run away. Her name was Tia, and I loved her. She always told me no matter what I was her child. At the beginning of the year she passed away due to cancer. She introduced me to her real kids before she passed. Her only wish was that I wouldn’t be alone again. That’s how I ended up in her oldest son and his wife’s house. They treated me well, and so did their kids.They couldnt financially support 3 young kids and me as well. I couldn’t bear to ask for anything. I got clothes from donation bins, most of them tattered and filled with holes but I didn’t care. They told me I should start school (Tia never made me go when I met her) so I was unused to the thought of it. My first day was probably the beginning of hell haha.. I was called out of my name, I was a gangly, ugly and poor freak to them. I always wore a wig because it made me feel like me, and I felt beautiful that way. Until that first day. I had my wig ripped off during P.E. I was laughed at. Called trash. Everyone just calls me ugly. I didn’t stop going to school, or tell anyone. My teachers would sit and watch, sometimes giggle or look away. I think the worst was not too long ago, in P.E. we normally leave our stuff in lockers. I got out of the stall to find all of my stuff gone. I was in p.e. clothes and I couldn’t find my uniform. The girls in the room laughed, cursed, said the ugly duckling had lost it’s feathers. I found my stuff outside. It had been raining all day. My notebooks, binders, everything was soaked. All of my classwork was drenched and all of my school stuff destroyed. I ignored it again. The family I stay with had scraped up what they could for months as a birthday present to take me shopping. They put it on a paypal gift card. I was going to get a few new clothes, replacement school supplies and a wicked red wig I had been eyeing since I was like 10. They gave me the money, told me after school to go the library to use the computer and buy anything I could afford with 162$ and come home straight after. I was so happy. I cried and cried because I knew they tried hard for me. That next day I had the card in my pocket. I was careful not to let anyone see it because I knew someone would ruin my day. After P.E., again my uniform was missing. But today was too important to me to let it slip. I confronted everyone that laughed. Screaming about my money. No one fessed up to who had it. I told the teacher. She did nothing. They all stared and questioned if it was even mine. IF I HAD STOLEN IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE. I can’t do it anymore. It happens everyday. I go, get bullied, get yelled at, get called absolute fucking trash and I can’t take it anymore. 14 years on this goddamn planet put to waste. I’ve tried the police, the school officials, my foster family, all of it. Why me?

I’m sorry this was so long. If you finished reading it, thank you. For everthing. For wasting time on me.