As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will not take meds or meet with any doctor until she speaks to me. She still ignored me. So… I’ve nearly finished all the preparations to die… A day later than I hoped but I guess one day doesn’t matter. I hope she could read these posts to see how much she hurt me but I’ve said it in emails and texts so she doesn’t fucking care even though she said she did…my friends and family gave up in me and lost patience a long time ago. I just never thought that after three years my psychiatrist would give up on me too… Fuck her. Here’s to a peaceful journey and finally feeling peace…I hope you all meet a better fate.
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17 comments
I’m truly sorry for all the stuffs you’ve been through. I’m sorry that it have come to this but if this is your final decision then I understand and I wish you find the peace you are looking for. Farewell and may you be at peace, Still lost.
Rest well. I feel like I could be heading down a similar path, so I can only wish you peace of mind, however that may be.
Maybe you’re psychiatrist is becoming a victim of what we all feel, hang in there I wish I was capable of telling you to rest well but somebody loves you and I do really wish that you keep going, Hang in there I don’t know you but my love goes out to you, Please don’t do it. I think the reason I’m still trying to get better is because I want to believe there’s hope I think you do too and I know somewhere out there we will all find it. I know what it feels like I’ve been feeling like this for three years but hang in there
She was my last hope. Its been 3 years for me too. I’m done.
Can you stay one more day with us?
Because I waited one more day for the past 6 months. It was surreal finishing up some last errands tonight (cat food, cash in case I need it)… People making eye contact with me. I wonder if they could see the death in my eyes. I mourned my life today. I am very sad to leave my cats. I am very happy that I will be free tomorrow.
I’m sorry, Still Lost. If you change your mind, for whatever reason, I’m here for you. I hope you find your peace. At some point, I’ll find mine.
I wish I could make it better for you. Your psychiatrist, I wish she was there for you Still Lost, I don’t know how much longer Ill hold on but I wish you the best and peace, we all deserve peace.
Thanks whyyyy. I wish she was still there for me too. Everyone in my life turned out to be selfish bastards.
Please don’t go Still Lost. Its ultimately your decision of course but please don’t go.
You have to remember that she is only human too. I’ve had someone who’s happiness depended on me and it is so much pressure and very draining, because if anything is wrong in their life it is your job to fix it and your fault if you don’t. That is a huge responsibility. So I’m sorry your psychiatrist couldn’t handle your problems, but she really tried her best to be supportive, even to the point where it started pulling her down. Nobody can fix you for you. All the best, I hope you can leave the pain you’re in while still with life but it’s up to you.
Sorry coconut but don’t defend her. You don’t know the full situation… I don’t have the energy to write it all.
I know it’s hard, sorry I realised how harsh my post came out. I know how much it hurts when the one light you had leaves you, especially if they are being freaking paid to help you, but I can also see how she just couldn’t handle it. Not many people can handle bad things if they haven’t been through them and my counsellor did the same – couldn’t handle what I was saying and made me feel worse with judgemental comments. But they don’t purposely intend to hurt anybody. Sometimes people just can’t give anymore and that’s when it’s time to move on to somebody else who can give you what you want for a little while. Or maybe a longer while if you are lucky 🙂 best wishes
Goodbye Still Lost. I can’t help but say I’m sorry it has come to this when just a reply from your therapist could change everything. I could keep writing about other options and how I don’t want you to go but you know this already. If you have any doubts, any fears when you are at that point, seconds away from death then please don’t continue but come back here, we’ll be here to talk to you. Ni.
Thanks, Nias. Yes, sad but true. Well, off to my last night of sleep.
I think you should reconsider. Yes, you were inspired to do things by her but YOU were the one achieved it. You proved to yourself that you can do these things.
This person obviously means a lot to you, why doubt her sincerity that you matter to her? Perhaps you should try a different way of contacting her. Reach out to her in a positive manner. It must be pretty horrible for her to read a text message like that.
If you see this then please reconsider, I can feel ok about a suicide like hanging or drowning, carbon monoxide or taking an overdose and a myriad of others, it’s part and parcel of a site like this, but your method is one that only success will do, failure will leave you in such a bad state that it doesn’t bear thinking about. I know you want to go now but just a little wait, to think of another way to go, this site can try to help you over this time, perhaps you’ll change your mind, perhaps not but at least you can find a better way to go. I just want you to be sure and not do something that’ll cause you more pain, Please. : (