Okay, well where should I begin? First, you should know that I’m not a very open person. At all. Second, I’ve been “depressed” for about a year now. Or maybe longer, I don’t really know. Not many people know about my depression. And yes I’ve self harmed many times.
This is currently my second day of missing school and I’m so far behind already that it’s frightening. I lack the motivation to do anything anymore. I’ve basically ruined every relationship I’ve ever had. And I’m currently destroying all my friendships because I don’t have the energy to keep up with everyone. Have I tried discussing this with anyone? Yes, many times. Does anyone take me seriously? No, not at all.
I’m the type of person who has to constantly latch onto someone, suck the life out of them, and move onto the next. There’s no one left for me to move onto because I’ve cast everyone away. What do I do now? I have no idea and I feel as if I’m in this never ending limbo.
6 comments
You’re an energy vampire? It sounds rough being you. Why don’t you try being a nicer person and try to actually care about people for a change, instead of just using them? If you have too many friends to keep up with, be selective about those you spend the most time with. Don’t be an energy vampire drama queen. If you are, people will get sick of you in no time.
I never had many friends to begin with. Everyone sees me as a nice person but only because I make them feel like the bad person and secretly belittle myself over it. I know how terrible I really am and try hard not to be. I can already feel everyone getting tired of me.
I’m assuming since you say you’re in school that you’re living at home. And that’s perfectly okay. You seriously need to tell your parents whats going on with you, and if you need serious help. Because the next time you wake up you’re going to be any number of us on here who are in our 30’s who have been through so many relationships that never make it, likely to have had several jobs. If you’re lucky you might have a decent job, but like many on here you’ll find yourself struggling with work. Missing days, lack of concentration, memory etc. And you’re going to wonder just where the last 10+ years have gone. Because although most of us are very kind hearted, warm, sweet, genuine and down to earth people, we are broken inside. Which is why relationships fail, jobs, etc. I can’t speak for everyone here, but the majority of us who are at the end of our rope are the same hard headed people who let pride ruin any chance of getting real serious help. And even then there’s no guarantee you’ll be happy, medicated or otherwise. You’re still young, and without sounding condescending, you need to deal with this now. Because you mark my word, one day you’re going to wake up where we are and you’re going to kick yourself every day for not getting help sooner. You’re going to remember this little speech of mine. And regardless you’ll hate yourself even more. So I urge you to deal with this now. Make someone listen. You are important, you do matter. I know how our minds work sometimes, and if you let it. You will start to buy into all the lies you keep feeding yourself. It starts with you getting the help you need to cope and battle with depression and those inner demons. I wish you well my friend! I’m here if you want to talk 🙂
For the record, I’m currently on my last year in high school. So, yes I do live with my parents.
I did not mean that in a negative way, I just don’t want you to wake up and be me in like 10+ years and regret never getting the help you need. Because honestly, it’s hard as hell to make friends after High School or college. Especially if you’re like me who suffers with social anxiety. It’s not the life I wanted for myself. It’s cold, dark and extremely lonely. Full of broken dreams, hopes, aspirations, relationships and so much more. You’re still young enough to turn it around before you’re forgotten about and hold a 9mm to your head on a day to day or weekly basis and ask yourself if you have the courage to squeeze the trigger because there’s nothing here for you anymore. The friends and family who once cared, have since quit trying to include you in their life. Because you’ve pushed them away so much. You’ll wake up wishing you were someone else. And you’ll fall asleep every night with tears of the broken hearted. And I don’t wish that upon you, or anyone. No one deserves that nightmare. I do hope you will seek help.
I believe I’m already to that point in my life. I’ve seeked help, countless times. In the end it was just best if I were to remove myself from everyone’s lives and now I feel completely alone. Either way I was bringing pain upon myself but at least now I won’t be hurting the ones I care about.