I just want to stop feeling. I don’t want to die. I only think about dying as a way to stop feeling. Every feeling is heightened. I was recently diagnosed as bipolar 2. I am overwhelmed. I am rage. I am sadness. I am despair. I am not feeling these feelings, I become them. I am lost.
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Hi there. So far you’re doing ok here. See you around.
A lot of people here on SP feel like you do, not really wanting to end their life but just wanting the pain to go away and seeing suicide as a last resort. If you keep posting you may find it can help and there’s always people here to listen to you, to share in your dilemma of wanting to live but also wanting to die and end the problems and feelings you are going through. For now, try and focus on not wanting to die and keep looking for the help I expect you want to help control your feelings.
I’m bipolar 2 too I can relate to what youre saying. I used to feel that way, like I’d give anything, even kill myself to feel nothing at all.. So I accepted all the medication thrown at me and then I found that feeling nothing at all is different, but in some ways just as bad. The only thing that made any positive difference to me is Lamotrigine, its not perfect but it really takes the edge off the overwhelming ups and downs of bipolar without turning you into a complete zombie, might be worth talking to your doctor about it.
I’ve just been started on a low dose med and it doesn’t seem to be doing much. Mad Hatter, it really makes a difference to see that someone gets it. So far, no one in my life who knows does. They try, but don’t. I’ve got an appointment in two days, I’ll mention it. thank you