I don’t want to be here…

I’m inn another state visiting family. It’s not really a vacation because I came here to visit mainly with my grandmother who ifs 93 and not getting any younger. I’m staying with one of my parents and two of my children. While it’s nice to see them and to spend a little time with them, I really don’t want be here. Even more so, I don’t want to be alive.
I have been in so many relationships and dealt with so much bull shit and drama that you would think that I would be able to make better choices and such where relationships are concerned. Unfortunately, I fucked up again and I got stuck with a piece of shit that has decided to take advantage of the fact that I am out of state and become the man whore that he really is. What a dumb giving idiot I am for thinking he could be otherwise and for thinking I’m something with staying around for. I’m so solid and pathetic. I wouldn’t want to be me either.
Time to research the most common and successful ways to commit suicide in this area.
I’m beyond done.