I’m someone else. At least that’s what I’ve felt like these past few months. I don’t feel like myself. It is hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I am unable to sleep. My smiles aren’t sincere. My laughs are half-hearted. I don’t want to be around anyone. I can barely talk to anyone. I can’t be happy. And I don’t want to live.
I hope that something can save me.
I pretend to be myself, even though I haven’t felt like myself these past few months. I get out of bed to eat. I eat because I don’t want to lose weight. I try to sleep so I can pass the time. I smile so that you will think that I’m alright. I laugh so that you don’t worry when I don’t. I am around my family so they don’t wonder about me. I talk to my family sometimes so that they don’t question me, and I talk to my (online) friends sometimes so that I don’t lose them. I act content so no one will realize that I’m sad. And I live because I love someone.
I don’t think that love can save me.
3 comments
I’ve felt that many a time before. Lately, i’m on a high, but the low always comes. I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass, I’ve felt exactly the way you’ve just explained as recent as maybe a few weeks ago. It’s a pathetic existence. Lately, my life has been taking time away from me to wallow in my sorrows, so as a result, I’ve been feeling less depressed, slightly, but less. I’ve been keeping myself busy, which is really all you can do at a point.
Love can save anyone it is the greatest force in the universe. Maybe you need to be honest about how you feel with some of your close family or friends you trust. Don’t keep it all inside, you will end up like me breaking down at the worst time in the worst place. Because of my mania I am now facing Federal life in prison. I expect no mercy from the system or the people who are pissed at me. A shame I got manic at a time like that, I should have held my head up and just been a man about the whole situation my mania just made it worse. Before you end up like that get it all out to someone you will feel better.
Sweetie I love u Ashley I hope your doing well n I’m always here for you dear I told you I’m always here for u n u to me sweetie I’m sorry I don’t go on here as often anymore… Well love u n your sis be safe n we made a promise to each other love