Well, wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t at the end of my figurative rope. What do you do, if life just ain’t… fun… anymore? Nobody gives a damn about you. You got nobody to vent to, to talk to… Except the anonymity of the internet… Sure, your sick dad, wife, and kids all DEPEND on you… But they take you for granted day after day. And your elderly dad, you realize, never did jack shit for you… You were an inconvenience to him and your mother…an accident, she gladly told you her whole life. He never took time off from work for you, yet now he expects you to drop everything and haul him to this appointment or that test or whatever… Anything you ever did with him for recreation, you were just allowed to tag along with whatever he has planned for himself. And, Your wife, is never glad to see you; never asks how are you, how was work… And she doesnt give two flying shits about whether or not you or your children have food or clothing… As long as she’s got online bingo or slots and cigarettes she’s good…. she doesn’t have a job, yet still doesnt contribute to the workload around the house, because there’s a special round of slots today only… You already work two jobs to make ends meet too, and keeping up your house and dads house does away with any “Free Time”.
Do you continue on in the loneliness? You havent done anything for yourself in weeks. You havent had fucking time. You steal away with a faked user identity to a suicide site, typing through the tired, misty eyes and shaky hands you reach out for something… But in the end, you know you will still just be used up, tired, and ignored by the leeches around you. So you might as well give up, right?
Right.
8 comments
I know how you feel I’m in similar position. And just this thoughs to end all, doesn’t go away.
What if you just walked away…..
What if you said to yourself….I can live -exist,I mean-in a way that I experience no ambient, much less direct love ,affection,or even notice,to be honest…I can keep going this way with my one life given me here,now, ..in a state of toil and perpetual disappointment. Or, I get up and go. If its unbearable to me spiritually to be unloved and feel used always, I want to just die….but INSTEAD,I go . I leave. I live in another part of the world ,and attempt to pursue the kind of activity I WANT to pursue…..
The children…why do the children not please you? Is there no interaction, or engagement with the children?Are they not interested in you now that theyre older? Teens are cruel to their parents, its a horrifying betrayal and extremely painful …..I am struggling with this. After losing the love in my marriage and then in the throes of trying to have a relationship,to be so deeply cut ..disappointed…I thought my children would be th obes who did not hurt me this way. Its worse than any fucking loss so far-the pain of being unwanted by my kids…I can not bear it really.
Whoa…WAIT…back up! Life was supposed to be FUN? Where’s the handbook on that? I want a refund! I got ripped off! Where’s the complaint desk? Can I get double for delayed satisfaction? Who can I sue? Is the a class-action suit? So many questions…..!!!!
Where’s the ‘handbook’ that says life is supposed to be endless misery, sadness, suffering and pain?
You remind me of myself, the responsible one in the family. I think you could set your wife straight to be a good mother and help around the house if she’s not going to get a job. You can’t take the full burden on yourself.
My dad was an asshole to me practically all my life…my sisters were his favorite. He spent tens of thousands of dollars on them, did dick all for me. I have no intention of looking after him, he has his own house and re-married so his second son, the one he spoiled (who is a dumbass on his own) can look after him.
My mother wasn’t perfect either but she always gave me a home and had been supportive…she’s retired now and old and lives with me. I have no problem so long as she doesn’t make my life difficult. She and I have both suffered in life but have been there for each other. I’m hoping we can get a house next year and that life will get easier for us.
Excuse my rambling best of luck in whatever you do…I think your life is hard but the problems are solvable, but that’s for you to decide.
@dfwhisper-Well,ive never expected to be happy all th time,but if ones life is completely absent of joy and color, then what IS the incentive? Never promised me a rosegarden,no,but I certainly didn’t agree to be broken on the wheel incrementally over a lifetime of disappointment(yes,disappointment is ,to me, like a slow torment punctuated by sudden jarring episodes of pain as the limbs pop off finally one by one ,year by year-fine I AM a drama queen)