I’m feeling more alone than ever right now. I’ve always had someone to talk to, a therapist, a close friend. My parents are so focused on my brothes disorder that they don’t even realize how much pain I’m enduring. I’ve tried countless times to talk to them about it, and all they can say is “Not you too”. I was in therapy until my father decided I was “fixed” just because I began eating again. My friends, well, they’re all doing normal things while I barely have enough energy to get out of bed in the morning. One of my closest friends finally got tured of my stupidity and told me some very blunt, mean things and I’ve sworn never to speak to him again. So, now I don’t have anyone. Just a few days ago it was getting so bad that I began to have panic attacks, crying hysterically, mumbling the same thing over and over again. I feel as if I’m going insane.
You’re in the thick of it right now. The stuff you deal with is so hard. You’re torn apart from the inside out. Since no one can see what’s happening to you, it’s just easier to treat you like you’re being over-dramatic. So now it’s worse because you’re fighting it alone. Except you’re not. People say stupid shit sometimes when they can’t understand your pain. Humans need to be able to categorize everything as black and white so that we can feel comfortable about it. That doesn’t work with what you’re going through. I’m so sorry that is happening. Everyone on this site has demons. What are yours telling you?
End it. They’re telling me to end my pain and suffering. Don’t think, just do it. My parents probably wouldn’t notice for days. My friends wouldn’t notice for weeks. What exactly am I living for? I was born to die so shouldn’t I just fulfill my purpose in life? I have no one.
I’m sitting here staring at the screen. I don’t know who I am to think that I have answers to questions like that. I don’t. Someone once told me that we entertain the idea of committing suicide because we actually have hope that things will be better either for us or for those around us. I don’t know what I think about that. Do you think that’s BS?
I believe it somewhat. We may constantly have suicide on our mind but we don’t act on it, because we have that little bit of hope left that maybe things will get better. What if they don’t?
I don’t know you at all other than what you’ve written over the past couple days on SP. I wish the people in your life were more in tune with the hurt you’re wading through right now.
You talk like you’re wasting your life, and from what I see, you’re just at the beginning. Because of what you’re going through, you will have more compassion for those in similar situations. You will be kind where someone else would have been impatient. You’re walking your own path right now, and it sucks so much to be alone especially in the middle of what you’re going through, but you’re not a waste. It’s easy for me to say and hard for you to live, I know.
The pressure has been building up so quickly lately that I don’t know how much longer it will be until I do something regretful. I don’t want to die this young, I want to experience certain things but is it worth it? Is it really worth it?
I hate the way I am. I hate the decisions I make, I hate everything about my appearance, I hate my personality, I hate how I constantly torture myself over the smallest things. I’m terrible, honestly.
You are defining yourself by what others think of you. But they are screwed up just like we are. What right do they have to define “normal”? I don’t know what it’s like for you, but for me, my world starts falling apart when I start believing the angry abusive things that I think about myself. What is making you crash now? The loneliness?
I wish there were somebody there for you where you are, and I know that SP is a poor substitute for the comfort you’re needing right now, but I’m concerned about you and hope that things get better. There are really good things ahead in your life that are worth sticking around for.
I wish too. So much. Sadly I don’t think there ever will be. But thank you for listening, and talking to me. I haven’t been that honest with someone in a while.
I could be way off here, so please forgive me if I’m off, but it seems like you have a hard time letting people know what’s really going on inside your head. Is that true, or am I off?
26 comments
It’s not shameful. It’s human. How are you? What’s going on?
So many bad things are happening so quickly.
Do you need someone to talk to?
…Yes.
Don’t became overwhelmed by the negative thoughts, tell us what’s wrong if you want to.
So write them. You’ve found catharsis in writing before. We’re listening.
I’m feeling more alone than ever right now. I’ve always had someone to talk to, a therapist, a close friend. My parents are so focused on my brothes disorder that they don’t even realize how much pain I’m enduring. I’ve tried countless times to talk to them about it, and all they can say is “Not you too”. I was in therapy until my father decided I was “fixed” just because I began eating again. My friends, well, they’re all doing normal things while I barely have enough energy to get out of bed in the morning. One of my closest friends finally got tured of my stupidity and told me some very blunt, mean things and I’ve sworn never to speak to him again. So, now I don’t have anyone. Just a few days ago it was getting so bad that I began to have panic attacks, crying hysterically, mumbling the same thing over and over again. I feel as if I’m going insane.
You’re in the thick of it right now. The stuff you deal with is so hard. You’re torn apart from the inside out. Since no one can see what’s happening to you, it’s just easier to treat you like you’re being over-dramatic. So now it’s worse because you’re fighting it alone. Except you’re not. People say stupid shit sometimes when they can’t understand your pain. Humans need to be able to categorize everything as black and white so that we can feel comfortable about it. That doesn’t work with what you’re going through. I’m so sorry that is happening. Everyone on this site has demons. What are yours telling you?
End it. They’re telling me to end my pain and suffering. Don’t think, just do it. My parents probably wouldn’t notice for days. My friends wouldn’t notice for weeks. What exactly am I living for? I was born to die so shouldn’t I just fulfill my purpose in life? I have no one.
Listening.
I’m sitting here staring at the screen. I don’t know who I am to think that I have answers to questions like that. I don’t. Someone once told me that we entertain the idea of committing suicide because we actually have hope that things will be better either for us or for those around us. I don’t know what I think about that. Do you think that’s BS?
I believe it somewhat. We may constantly have suicide on our mind but we don’t act on it, because we have that little bit of hope left that maybe things will get better. What if they don’t?
So where does all your pain come from?
Past mistakes I suppose.
So you don’t feel like you’re worthy of living?
Exactly. I’m wasting a life that had greater potential.
I don’t know you at all other than what you’ve written over the past couple days on SP. I wish the people in your life were more in tune with the hurt you’re wading through right now.
You talk like you’re wasting your life, and from what I see, you’re just at the beginning. Because of what you’re going through, you will have more compassion for those in similar situations. You will be kind where someone else would have been impatient. You’re walking your own path right now, and it sucks so much to be alone especially in the middle of what you’re going through, but you’re not a waste. It’s easy for me to say and hard for you to live, I know.
The pressure has been building up so quickly lately that I don’t know how much longer it will be until I do something regretful. I don’t want to die this young, I want to experience certain things but is it worth it? Is it really worth it?
Yes. I’m not saying the struggle will go away, but yes, it’s worth it.
What things specifically make you hate yourself? You don’t have to tell if you don’t want to, but hey this is anonymous.
I hate the way I am. I hate the decisions I make, I hate everything about my appearance, I hate my personality, I hate how I constantly torture myself over the smallest things. I’m terrible, honestly.
You are defining yourself by what others think of you. But they are screwed up just like we are. What right do they have to define “normal”? I don’t know what it’s like for you, but for me, my world starts falling apart when I start believing the angry abusive things that I think about myself. What is making you crash now? The loneliness?
Currently, the loneliness.
I wish there were somebody there for you where you are, and I know that SP is a poor substitute for the comfort you’re needing right now, but I’m concerned about you and hope that things get better. There are really good things ahead in your life that are worth sticking around for.
I wish too. So much. Sadly I don’t think there ever will be. But thank you for listening, and talking to me. I haven’t been that honest with someone in a while.
There will be. There will be.
I could be way off here, so please forgive me if I’m off, but it seems like you have a hard time letting people know what’s really going on inside your head. Is that true, or am I off?
And also, if you need to go, don’t feel obligated to respond.