I thought I had finally found the perfect method. Tbh, I had in my time frame and with what I could get in possession of.
Yet destiny must have thought against my wishes and I was revived in time.
Last Friday night I injected just over 5mg of ithium methadone (not being a junkie, I missed my vien) swallowed approx 230mg of water dissolved fluoxetine cognitive mixture and a bottle of JD to try and OD.
I was in an induced coma for three days then in ICU at Redcliffe for two with breathing, feeding, etc tubes down my throat and needles sticking out of me everywhere. I were bedridden, unable to move or speak.
They just managed to save my life. My left lung had completely white out – so collapsed and my body gave way and wouldn’t breathe on it’s on, nor would my heart beat unaided. I vomited and coughed up a lot of blood.
Yesterday I got discharged from the hospital and I’m back at the clinic for the mentally unwell.
I’m in a state of devastation that I awoken.
Yet contentment for having been able to see my mum for the first time this year.
It’s funny the way fate works.
Had they found me only a couple of minutes later- the doctors said that they probably wouldn’t have been much chance of me being alive today.
I couldn’t tell if I was relieved to hear so or disappointed and exhausted of failing.
Or maybe we already are dead and there is no escape from this eternal hell?
God forbid I don’t have any answers. Though one things for sure. Next time I do it- if there is a next time- I want it to be a guarenteered method for induced self death.
But for now- having died and been brought back from the afterlife- I’m going to put more energy into trying to escape this tormenting enduring angst for if I was kicked out of the afterlife- must that not mean there’s some sort of purpose I havnt fulfilled yet?
Or is that me still deluding myself?
Sorry rant over. I hope all you beautiful souls are doing well and havnt suffered immensely the past week I’ve been separated from the living and havnt been able to read how anyone’s going xxx
4 comments
Well I am sorry to hear that you had to go through with this ordeal. Sounds like you had a definite plan and went for it only it didnt work out 100 percent. Im wondering who fon you. If you had been in an isolated place where nodody wouldve walked in on you. you probably would have died.
well the thing is you didnt die. I think you should take this as another chance to pick you life up and do something with yourself and just put that behind you. In a couple years you will be ok and have a good life and you will be an overcomer. You overcame what was ailing you… hit rock bottom and then pulled your life together and you can become a srenght for other people down the line. The future is in your hands buddy. Make it good.
The Spirit of ANZAC – are you familiar with that story? See Scarlett… I’d like to honour that with you, in that your own milit’ry largely disregarded you once you (like me) became a liability, but I definitely do not see you as such. You’re back from the dead, possibly because your spirit’s will to survive was simply too strong to stay put in that dark abyss.
Fate has changed perhaps for the better, so you need to capitalise on that as much as possible and propel yourself for’d from what put you in this place to begin with. As I’ve said before: if there’s anything you think I may be able to help with or if you just want another soul to speak with – I’ll be happy to set aside some time for you.
I wish you all the best for the future and I do hope you can adapt to, and overcome, any and all adversity you have and will encounter throughout life.
*hugs*…because I care little for the MPs too.
Uptown234 I’m in a clinic, have been for months and under constant supervision, it’s hard to just walk out otherwise I would’ve been by the sea side for my last moments alive
Shephard it’s actually so comforting to hear from you again. I actually would love to get to know you better- you seem like the positive kind hearted person I lack in my life. I don’t know how but it would be good
I hope you have all been well the past week I havnt heard from you.
Oh and I’m not too familiar with that story so I shall google it.
Take care xxx
Likewise Scarlett, as I saw your previous post where you signed off from the net one last time and…I honestly didn’t know what to think 🙁 Yet I’m relieved that you’ve come back. If you would like to speak to me more, feel free to send me an email (you can grab it from clicking Edit on this comment).
I can’t say that I’ve been all that well, but I’m hoping to keep trudging along for as long as I possibly can before falling off the track again. But yes, I hope you’ll take care too. *another hug*