Hey guys, so I’m new to this site but it seems like a good community. I don’t really know where to start so I guess I’ll just go for it.
When I was 15 my good friend from elementary school passed away from an asthma attack. I largely regard this as the beginning of it all. After that I became pretty depressed, it got pretty bad for a while but I got over it. Over the next few years it came and went on and off, a couple months depressed, a couple months happy, that sort of thing; though I’d always been too proud to actually end up committing suicide. However, now at the ripe old age of 19 it’s come back and stronger than ever. I’ve legitimately considered most of the “mainstream” options and quite frankly I am terrified of myself. Even now as I write this I’m shaking a little at the thought of it. I’ve never really told anybody and maybe I just need to talk about it or talk with some people who understand what this is and how it can have such a stupidly powerful grip on your life. I hate it but I can’t shake it. Obviously I’m not expecting miracles, I’m not even expecting that much, maybe just someone to chat with to help me through. I don’t know.