I often found myself on this site, in my darkest days when i’d thought i didn’t want to live anymore. I have tried to kill myself 3 times by overdose. I just can’t describe the feeling i have to anyone, i literally battle every single day of my life with suicidal thoughts. Next year i will be 20 and i have never felt loved by anyone in my entire life, sure i have a boyfriend and to the outside world he probably seems caring and loving, yet somethings missing. I have told him the way i feel and the things that i feel would make it better or maybe make me less depressed, but yet he still doesn’t do any of it. I feel no point in going on in life, my life is always gonna be this way, i’m never gonna have someone who loves me for me, i am always gonna be alone in the world. I am gonna hang myself, i have wondered if i could do this with a belt or a tie, there the only things i have access to… Could i do it from my door handle? Or try to put something into the roof? Or could i just tie it so tight around my neck and pass out and that’d be it?
I have always believed that maybe certain people just aren’t meant for life, suicide is the only option for me and i have often told myself it is definitely the way i will die.
I hope everyone finds peace.
4 comments
Advice from someone who feels like you. Your boyfriend isn’t the right one for you. This missing piece you feel, you can’t fill it with another person. We need to find the happiness within us. How? I don’t know. Still searching for the answer #Hope #DontGiveUp
I’ve tried hanging. Failed, though that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will. Rope (or a bed sheet, that’s what I used), a door handle (or those things you hang your clothes on the a closet). As I said, failed.
I would urge you, as I did, to take a step back, at least for awhile. Hanging failed for me, so I just took a step back and lived depressed as fuck for awhile. The first reply is probably right, perhaps your boyfriend isn’t the right one. I ask you: have you been depressed before your boyfriend’s showing up in your life?
Yea i have been depressed most of my life, it just hurts when you find someone that you love more than anything else and it just seems like they don’t love you as much. I am not a social person, i have friends sure, but i have never told anyone the things i told him. He cheated on me last year, i found out it had been with 4 different people, It killed me… I stood in tears cutting myself to get the truth out of him, you should see the scars i have on my legs. My family don’t love me, and i know people will be like of course they do, but seriously they don’t… my dad was abusive, both emotionally and physically and my mum would pick a man over me any day. So tell me please how am i meant to have strength to pull myself up out of bed everyday? I have given myself and opened up to people all my life yet they still throw that back and treat that as if it’s nothing. I have accepted the fact i am unlovable and damaged and nothings gonna change that…
i think you need to leave the boyfriend, which i know is scary and you might like i used to almost feel like you ”owe” staying with him cause he gave you a chance.
But I don’t know, I won’t tell you what to do as that will make me a hypocrite but from someone who has had a very similar experience to yours, i urge you to leave him, move away from your parents, focus on yourself and try to find some peace, maybe even go to your doctor and ask for help, therapy can do things for some people.
I also understand what you meant when you wrote that you believe some people just aren’t meant for this life and sadly i agree with you, but please try everything before you do something you can’t take back. Peace and love.