It started in first grade. Girls would laugh and snicker behind my back. Third grade was the first time i had ever been called ugly. I believed it because nobody had ever told me anything different. From ugly, to stupid, from stupid, to fat, from fat, to worthless, from worthless, to useless, from useless, to “why don’t you just kill yourself already?” I’ve been called it all. Even though i’ve never weighed over a hundred pounds i believed it. I started starving myself and was soon diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. The bullies? they started saying i look “gross” or “disgustingly bony”. I was labeled the “mental girl” and the “anorexic *****”. Nobody liked me… I was down to 82 pounds and my mom had started to notice. She took me into Pine Rest, a mental hospital, and they treated me there for my depression and anorexia. After this, i was transferred to Forest View, another mental hospital, who specializes in eating disorders. I got anonymous texts from people i didn’t even know telling me to kill myself and that they hated me and that im ugly, fat, a whore, etc. I was a virgin. They called me a slut and spread around that i slept around and that i had std’s but i was a virgin. But, of course, everybody believed them. I was everybody’s joke. I kept asking “why me?” Why am i their target? What makes me so different? Everyday i wake up for school knowing what i’m going to have to walk into. A school full of people who despise my existence. I don’t even talk to them so it’s not like i said something that pissed them off.. Maybe it’s just ME. I overdosed a year ago on my xanax that i had been prescribed for my panic disorder. I took the whole bottle. I was hospitalized for a week and a half and was released to pine rest. I slit my wrists the second time i tried but failed. People at school found out and they posted things on my facebook and twitter saying “maybe you should cut deeper next time.” and “maybe use a different blade?” “ew you’re still alive?” Who just says these types of things??? “I’ll make you wish it worked!” “Why don’t you just kill yourself?” “Go die ugly *****!” … They say words won’t kill you… But they already have. I’m just a shell waiting to die. I’ve been researching the best way to do it where i won’t fail this time… Can anybody outthere relate or is it just me? I feel so ALONE..
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I can’t say my childhood/teen years are that similar to yours, mine were rough but different, anyways that’s beside the point first thing you should know is that you shouldn’t cut yourself you may think it takes away the pain but it doesn’t it just leads to regret, all these people bullying you are complete and utter cowards to scared to look in the mirror and face their own insecurities so instead they dish it out on you, and it’s hard on you it feels unbearable but you are strong you can make it through this, you will meet people worth your time and effort they are out there people who will love you for you (I don’t just mean relationships platonic love as well), you are beautiful, fuck them and what they say you are a beautiful human being.
I also can’t relate, as I’ve never been bullied.
But I want to offer my two cents.
The first thing I would do is delete Facebook. Just delete the account. I think things are better without Facebook. I had one a while ago after pressure from friends to make it. Then I got a stalker who used my Facebook information to find where I lived, when I had classes, where I was going, and so on.
Deleted it. Several years later I made one again but I only have 30 or 40 close friends on it.
Next, get a new phone. Get a new number. Tell only your closest friends.
As for the bullies at school, tell your teachers. They have to do something. If they don’t, tell your principal or guidance counselor. Those bullies are just kids. They’ll get into tons of trouble for bullying you.
If the teachers and guidance counselors don’t help, tell the police. Those bullies can be charged with harrassment or even terrorism.
And if things still don’t get better, try your best to ignore them. I’m sure it’s REALLY hard. I can’t even imagine. But think of it this way: When you finish school and you go to college, you’ll probably never ever hear from them again.
When I was in high school I saw people getting bullied, but I never did anything to stop it. I wish I had spoken up and helped them.
Just hang in there and things will get better.
i can relate.. i was once in your shoes..
thanks guys… ive tried telling teachers and they kind of just brush it off like its no big deal. its a big deal to me. i dont know why i cant just brush it off like they do but i cant… some girl called me “human waste” and i thought i should “dispose of myself”. Two years ago some boys pushed me into the boys bathroom at my old school and tried forcing me to have sex with them. i was so scared. Just last year three or four girls shoved me into the janitors closet. I was literally in there the whole school day and nobody could hear me screaming! i pounded on the door until my fists were bleeding… it was one of the worst days of my life. The door was an automatic lock and i wasnt found until half an hour after school actually ended. My mom just shook her head and was like “what happened this time?” all disappointedly… They asked what happened and i told them. The girls were only “talked to” because they said they “didnt know it would lock me in” and they “didnt mean to”.. I’ve gotten my fingers slammed in my locker. i actually broke four fingers that way. Ive had food spilled on me… what did i ever do to them? is it just me? i dont get it. ive tried getting a new phone, and ive tried deleting my facebook but it never works they always find ways to get to me even AFTER school. its like im not safe anywhere i go! no matter what i do ill always be their target…
police i havent tried… they say that if i tell anyone that theyll “hurt me”… im scared to. What if i tell them but they dont do anything about it? what if the bullying gets worse? can it even get any worse? i dont know what to do anymore…..
i’m really truly praying You’re still here & safe
: (
<3
Oh, I can so much relate to what you write.
I was bullied nearly ten years, from the first grade until last year. I experienced all these terrible and frightening things. Sometimes I was beaten and shoved but most of the time they called me names and said that I was ugly, stupid, useless and that nobody wants to see me and so on. They used me as a “rubbish bin”, threw scraps of paper, food and pencils at me.
I became very depressiv because I thought it was my fault because when so many people were against me I thought I must have done something wrong.
In the beginning of the last year I first came to the point where I really wanted to end my life. Some month later I also started cutting.
So believe me I can truely understand your feelings. I went through the same pain as you did.
If I could be next to you I would try to hug you and tell you that everything will be allright someday. Because it WILL. Although you might have given up your hope for luck and recovery I want you to try again. Find something that is worth living for. Because you are worth living, too, you’re a wonderful person, remember that. I know how awfully hard it is to remember how much you’re worth when the people told you you were worthless. But hope will always be stronger than fear. So don’t give up. Someday the bullying will end. Keep in mind that when you end school most likely you will never see the bullies again. Maybe they will even stop bullying you before that when you’re lucky.
So let me tell the end of my story maybe that will give you some hope that it could get better.
Well, I was lucky because the bullying finally ended last summer. I found new friends and stuff. Anyhow it took some more months to come out of my depression. I thought it would never end even though I wasn’t bullied anymore but someday I suddenly realized that every thing was getting better now and that it will be okay. That was the greatest luck I ever had. I was nearly lost but then I managed to stand up again.
I hate seeing people bullying others because I feel their pain as if it was mine. I want to help you so much, but everything I can do is trying to cheer you up a little. I really really hope for you that it will get better. Please don’t give up because there’s always somebody who understands you and I’m really sure that you will find some persons who deserve a nice person like you are and who will care for you and love you for how you are.
And don’t kill yourself because there’s always somebody who would miss and be terribly sad about loosing you.
And I would advise you to really go to the police because what the bullies are doing is criminal! When they threaten you don’t care. They won’t hurt you less if you don’t tell anyone. But if you tell there’s the chance to get help and that’s the most important point. It’s very hard, nearly impossible to stop bullying alone. You have to search proffessional help! So don’t worry and just tell them. It won’t get worse if you tell them.
I hope so much that I could at least help you a little bit.
And don’t forget: You’re wonderful, no matter what others say!
I forgot to ask something. Did you ever changed school? Because often it gets better if you get out of this group that bullies you. It’s very unlikely that the people at another school would also start to bully you because it has nothing to do with who you are but with how the bullies think. And very often people in another class or school think different.
Society is a fucking *****. They should make sure their hands are clean before pointing fingers. I agree with AmIStuckNow. You should get a new number and delete Facebook. If possible only let your family know your number. Don’t even tell your closest friends. Sometimes the people you consider your friends are the ones talking shit behind your back. High school has A LOT of fake people (assuming you’re in high school). The police SHOULD do something about it. Some principals or guidance counselors don’t really care but you can still try. I hope everything turns out well soon. Keep holding on. I’m here if you need me..
Still here angel ? <3 🙁