Hi,
This is my first time posting here. I have read a few posts just now after getting out of the shower. I’m an 18 year old girl. I was just cutting myself in the shower for the thousand time. I have been cutting myself since I was about 14 however I have always been suicidal. I used to try to suffocate myself at 8 which seems silly because that would never work. I have tried to overdose on pills but that didn’t work. Now it doesn’t even hurt to cut anymore. I have cut my arms, my stomach, my hips, and my legs. I’m a mess. I hate thinking about the future and I always wish that I don’t have to wake up and face another pointless day. I feel like nothing has a purpose. I don’t really know what I’m waiting for, I don’t know why I’m still alive. I really wish I was a spontaneous abortion.
10 comments
Hello Samantha_cries.
I started cutting myself recently, but I want to stop. I don’t like the scars it leaves behind.
I guess I just didn’t know another way to release my emotions. When I feel my emotions bottling up or the sadness deepening, I just need to feel something. And I feel my body is worthless, like garbage.
I worry I’ll hurt another person, but I don’t want to deal with that, so my other options are hurting myself or hurting inanimate objects.
Last week, in an effort to stop cutting myself, I started to cut things around my house with a big knife. It wasn’t out of anger. I just wanted to cut something that wasn’t me and that I wouldn’t get in trouble for. I stabbed a few things and cut up some other things…one of which was a towel. It turned out that towel had been a gift to someone else. I didn’t know that. I felt so bad and terrible about it. But even though it was an important gift, they person was happy I chose to cut up the towel instead of cutting myself.
I think there are people who don’t want you to cut yourself too. There must be another outlet. I’m trying to find it too.
Still, I felt bad about it and ended up cutting myself badly two nights ago. Now, I really regret it. I want to stop it. I’m trying to find another way to deal with these feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.
Why do you feel like cutting yourself?
If there is anything I can do to help you feel better, let me know. Sometimes having someone to talk to, who kind of understands your situation, is really helpful.
Thank you for your comment.
I, too, felt ashamed of my scars when I first started cutting myself so I understand how you feel. Now it’s like I almost want to show them. I’ve never really been careful about hiding my scars so I’m lucky that no one has noticed them. I don’t know why I cut myself anymore. I don’t know why I’m so depressed. I know my life was much worse a few years ago but it’s like there’s a piece of me that will always be that pathetic, depressed girl. I was bullied as a kid. My dad was hardly ever around and when he was, he was violent and aggressive. I was almost raped at 12. The list goes on and on. I don’t even feel sad about what has happened to me. I just feel like it’s easier to be dead then to face every day. It gets difficult to breathe.
when i was a teenager i think i wanted to show them, then for a long time i wanted to hide them now i dont care. i’m sorry i hope things get better for you. your so young and i hope you get better soon. i’m covered in scars from head to toe but i dont wish that for you or anyone else. i’m 32 now i started around thirteen or something. its just not good for jobs and school and you still have a bright future good luck
Thank you. Good luck to you too.
When going against the currents of the waters of life…“just keep swimming”. I myself have been suicidal since I was 12 and have three (now four) prior attempts at my life. I used to self harm but don’t do so anymore, physically that is. The future is going to happen, no matter how much you wish it wouldn’t. Some folks like to plan it out, and others tend to go with the flow. I prefer to not think of it too much and instead try to make the most of the present. Tomorrow is certain to come, but for today…I’m just going to make the best of an all too hopeless situation.
Oh, and for what it’s worth — if I were to caress your hips, hold your arms and warmly embrace you…even with the presence of scars…I’d love you for them even more. (I’m not hitting on you either, it’s just I had an ex who self harmed and I’m glad to say I helped her overcome it). One day you’ll find a man (or woman if you’re so inclined) who’ll look after you and I do hope that he’ll help you stow away the blade for good.
Okay, I’d best go lie down. Sorry if this all makes no sense.
Thank you for commenting.
Some days are not so difficult to manage. I know I can be happy, I’m not a complete robot yet. But when I break down I lose all control. I feel like I’m being possessed. I’ve had two boyfriends and they weren’t bad experiences but I want to stay single. I know there’s no actual future for me with anyone. I have to many problems and no one in their right mind would want to involve themselves with me. The most ironic part about this all is that I want to become a psychiatrist if I actually make it that far in life but I’m clearly insane. I like helping people although I can’t even help myself.
that was very nice Shep, how have you been doing?
I’m 26. In my late teens, cutting was an all too familiar ritual.
My upper arms still hold a plethora of scars. It can become an easy addiction, though no one looks at it like that.
My friend(also a cutter)at the time helped me stop. We held each other accountable for each new cut. It was very much like an exercise you’d find in an AA group. This obviously is not an easy thing to do because it requires a good amount of trust.
If you have the opportunity, try to look at this like an addiction. A hair band around the wrist can be a good deterrent, but I caution it because snapping it when you feel the impulse can just be another way of self injury.
Thank you for commenting.
I have no problem opening up to some people. My 3 close friends know that I cut myself. They’re upset by it but of course there’s nothing they can actually do. I’m a very stubborn person anyway. I do the opposite of what I’m told. It’s really up to me to stop but I don’t want to until I’m dead.
That’s exactly how it is for me-I’m addicted and can’t stop -I sometimes get s seed that I won’t stop