Everyone hates the attention seekers. The ones who always say things to get others attention and pity. The ones who tell someone every inch of his or her personal, tragical and dramatic life just to get a reaction. Attention seekers disgust everyone. People are sick of them.
One thing I hate most about myself, is that I kind of am an attention seeker. I do things to get others pity without even noticing it. It’s like there’s two sides of me; a side who does everything possible to get attention, pity and all the things I wrote about earlier, and a side, who doesn’t want to be a dramatic attention seeking asshole. I feel like there’s constantly a fight between these two.
The first side I described is also, apart from being attention seeking, very dramatic. I say I hate myself when I actually don’t know if it’s true or not. I think I secretly am trying to make my life a depressing movie (secretly means that I don’t realize I do it). The other side of me tries to be normal and sane like everybody else. It’s like this side is my mind, but the side I hate is deeper down but always with me, in everything I do and everything I say.
It’s like I am two persons. I feel fucking stupid. I can’t explain how I feel, because I honestly don’t know. Either I hate myself for this, or I don’t. Maybe I’m just telling you this to get pity. I have absolutely no idea. You know why? Yeah, because there’s two sides, two different persons controlling me. Maybe I’m just being dramatic or it’s my real feelings, even I don’t know. Somehow, I got trapped in this hell. I hate it.
I self harm. I’m can’t remember the last time I truly felt happy. I think about suicide. But I wonder; am I really sad? Am I really suicidal? The thing is, I don’t know, because this has fucked up my mind completely. I have no idea if I’m just trying to make myself sad, for reasons that I don’t know.
I sound crazy. Maybe I am.
I know you don’t understand. I don’t expect anyone to do that either. I’m just trying to figure myself out.
5 comments
Unfortunately, I do understand, but cant offer help or a solution. If you figured something out, please let me know
I can 100% relate to this. Just here to tell you that. I wish I knew the answers but I don’t. Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I’m pretty sure everybody is an attention seeker. Otherwise, what’s the point of all the stupid rituals and ceremonies and fancy clothes and speeches and expensive things that people are all obsessed with all the time? It’s all about the attention.
There maybe people on here who know each other and maybe even met but for me I don’t know anyone here and I’m not likely to meet either. So for me this site allows me to vent anonymously and be with people who have/are experiencing the same shit. Attention seeking? Maybe…but I don’t know any of you so would be the point of the attention? Besides suicide for me is not attention seeking, it’s been about a solution…and I have tried it so I do have the ability to carry it out.
i have similar feelings too. sometimes i just know what i’m going say will be said to make others feel for me. but i can’t stop myself and usually end up saying the shit. i always talk to my friends about how fucked up my life is and i think they are getting seek of my attitude though they like me a lot. I am a lazy ass who just want to be talked about. i don’t work hard for anything and the sad point is that i kinda like people talking about my failures. the point is being talked about. i know that’s bad and disgusting. but i cant stop myself