Ever since I was in 7th grade I’ve been feeling suicidal. I’m a 15 year old girl who’s a sophmore now. I feel like I can’t take it anymore I’ve been bullied all of my middle school life even by my english teacher who encouraged my 8th grade classmates to make fun of me. I had moved from that school but the comments and memories won’t go away. People never understand they tell me to get over things when I need to be in a mental hospitoal and get medication. Even the person who was closetest to me(my ex boyfriend from middle school) has left me. I would tell him EVERYTHING, I trusted him and one day he broke up with me because I moved and he thought that I would cheat. After then we stayed as friends but we are no longer because he got tired of hearing about my problems, snapped at me told me to suck it up and cuts me off. It was like he forgot about my depression or just didn’t care anymore. This ruined me because he wasn’t just an ex he was my only friend in middle school. I have no one to depend on anymore. I’m not ready for this world, im too damaged if I knew what would come for me in the afterlife then I would kill myself. This is the main reason why I don’t kill myself, I’m an agnostic and don’t belive in God but I have some hope that there is a creator, but for all I know life after death could just be a dark space. I feel like I’m dragging everyone down with me, that I have no purpose and that life isn’t special at all, we came here by a universal chance. There is no meaning to life. But I still want help.
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4 comments
Count on death being the end.
Hey, I know I can’t say that I know what you’re feeling right now, but I can say that I’ve been pretty close. Your ex seems quite mean to me, but if you hadn’t seen that side of him and prolonged your relationship, would you approve it in retrospect? For me, I treat high school as a new start. I’ve tried making new friends, and stopped caring less what they all think of me. I’ve been hammered with another failed relationship. However, I can tell you for a fact that once your metal is tested, you’ll naturally be a better person at heart. Please don’t succumb to the methods I used to stay sane. I implore you to start fresh, but never get carried away. I’ve needed warmth before myself, and I’ve found it here.
Even if the world quits on you, we’ll be here for ya.
Thank you, And what do you mean by ” approve with retrospect” about my ex?. He’s never been mean to me until we broke up after then he started to change and cared less about me I think that he was just in the realationship to feel cared about and loved I don’t think he actually loved me.
Don’t ever let anyone bring you down, there will be ups and downs but you are still perfect. Just keep your head up and you’ll be okay 🙂