Yet again, I don’t know why I keep posting here while I can just do it and get it over with but I got exhausted already of trying to hang myself over 10 times today exploiting the chance that my brothers are out and only me left home and I wanted to talk to someone about my failure. As much as I’m committed to dying I don’t want to feel so much pain in my windpipe (swallowing) while trying to hang myself. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? It’s partial suspension I’m attempting and by a belt. My larynx seems to be the only problem that while I’m attempting hanging I can’t help but swallow because of the pressure there. This method is the only way out for me because you black out fast and that’s it, no more pain. I’m gonna keep doing this today as long as my brothers are out, I feel like today was made for me for this purpose but yet I’m probably lazy to get up and do more about it, I’ve been trying this for 3 hours though non-stop and I tried hanging everywhere in the house till I finally found that the bathroom is the best place.
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I’ve tried partial suspension hanging and I couldn’t pass out for some reason so it didn’t work for me
I feel like it’s best to just do it with your thoughts and ideas rather than taking up someone’s advice then feeling so down about it. I’m supposed to bear the pain of a few seconds but I.. need.. to.. swallow! My windpipe hurts.. and it doesn’t make sense to me that people die with partial suspension enduring or actually ignoring the swallowing reflex. If only I found a way to not feel that pain and just feel the suffocation then I’m ready to go. There’s also a guy singing down the street I might also shoot him so I can focus on this.
This is where I got the motivation of hanging from http://alt.suicide.methods.narkive.com/8IDF6nYI/some-last-problems-with-suspension-hanging
That site has info about how to do partial and full suspension from 10 years ago. It will motivate you to try this method. It says a lot about how fast you black out then you’d have to endure no pain after, death just comes within 20 minutes. It’s true but the pain you have to go through before fainting is sort of unbearable but it really does take 5 seconds actually not 20 or 30 seconds, you just have to do it really fast or make it even quicker by full suspension.
My annoying brothers just came home (annoying because they interrupted me) now I will have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. I don’t understand how Robin Williams did this without kicking a chair. I tried to do the same, forcing most of my weight on my neck bending my knees but it’s like murdering yourself. Everytime I feel like losing consciousness and being just 3 or 4 seconds away from it I pull myself up. That’s why I probably need a chair. My bro just told me I smell really bad, he doesn’t know I sweated like hell while I was doing this so many times.
I read that thread, many times before. My problem was the compression of carotid arteries, I spent hours and I couldn’t black out. I did choke, I suffocated, I couldn’t breathe, my head hurt, but I didn’t black out. And I’m too afraid to snap my neck.. but that’s alright I’ve got another method in mind
Is your method as easy and costless? Do share anyway please, if you have kik add me: FlipNFlap
I have 10g of barbiturates, got it from a friend. I don’t have kik 🙁
@Deathdreamer goodluck with that. Unfortunately I can’t buy anesthetics anymore. I live with two brothers who would keep checking on me in my sleep, even the nanny. They know I’m suicidal.
I’m done with life. I can’t wait to die. My big brother just said some things to me that made me feel worthless, he said them out of care though (that’s why it was ok and because I agree with everything he said). He thinks I’m a fail and that I never go out to do anything or strive for success in anything, just always sitting at home being lazy. I almost broke out crying because he doesn’t know that I’m psychologically hurt. Everytime I tell him I understand, he takes it like I’m being arrogant like I understand but never do anything. I unfortunately can’t tell him what’s hurting me inside because there’s no point. We all have self problems that we can’t share. I really can’t take it anymore though, just also my brother thinking that I’m like this when I’m not, I’ve only been this way since I started being really depressed, over a year ago. Before that I was still depressed only at times and optimistic most of the times. All I really do now is just sitting at bed crying and planning for my suicide. I will continue to fight for death all day everyday just so I won’t suffer more in life.
I was going to comment when you first put the post up as I was considering partial suspension as well but felt there was little else to say as you seem to know the facts regarding this method. I want to respond now because you mention people around you don’t really understand, hope you don’t mind. It’s so true that there are things we may not be able to talk about but we know the effects we have on those around us, if only they could know how depression feels, how it takes over. This isn’t going to help you I know, you seem so committed to ending it, to keep trying. It takes a lot to put something around your neck and try in that manner, not sure if I will have the courage to do it. There’s no easy way to commit suicide which is hard for any of us to accept but I feel you’ll keep trying and I can’t say anything to change that. I suppose I haven’t really said much anyway but just wanted to.
Nias, I’m happy that you talked to me again, I know you from the other account that got suspended. I actually appreciate what you wrote to me. It really is hard when the closest people can’t relate to me anymore and eventually find me complicated. It’s the worst I have ever been through, this hanging method.. the feelings you get too after you fail then just lay in bed. It’s very dramatic. It’s like a whole new side of your depressed self that emerges and all it thinks about is to just die. Actually it would be very hard to even 70% relate to someone in this case because everyone has their different reason of why they want out which makes it more complicated. I realized that if no one can relate to uour difference that’s when you feel alone, depressed and suicidal because we all want to be understood. Anyway, I will still be attempting the hanging method because a lot of people did it so I must be able to do too. Wish me luck. I would love to chat with you before I do this again, add me on kik: FlipNFlap or my gmail: auxesis2@gmail.com
I’m not sure if I was that clear, sometimes I find it hard to comment to someone I know I can’t help as I try to help as much as possible on here. I believe all avenues should be tried before the ultimate decision is made but you seem to have reached that point, I hope I’m wrong but fear I’m right. I wanted to say that although some are supportive, those who don’t understand us, we should try and understand their perspective if we can; they can’t see how utterly hopeless our lives have become if their lives are okay and we struggle to tell them. However, if they recognise the pain we’re going through they should act accordingly and it’s a shame when they don’t, as you say, we all want to be understood. I know that your live is difficult, so much more than mine and I accept your desire and your right to end your life. That’s the good thing, in my opinion, about this website, in some way we do understand each other even if our problems are different and we know that suicide, after the person has tried everything else and I’m sure you have, is our right. The one thing I want to add and I’m sorry to do this but you had previously wanted to die away from your family, a hotel room, so you wouldn’t be disturbed, is it possible to find somewhere else with hanging. Not sure what your relationship is like with your family but I just feel it would be better for you and them if it is possible. Tell me to keep quiet you if you want, just me thinking out loud.
@nias you seem like a really nice person. I actually really love my family and I thought a lot about how terrible this would be to keep in memory, unfortunately, since my absence that day at the hotel everyone keeps checking on me everyday and they all know I’m depressed but they of course can’t keep the thought of me being suicidal at all times so they only think it when I do something odd or when I really show it on my face. And hanging is really hard so I can’t risk failing doing it somewhere else and my bros thinking I’m taking drugs.
I understand, just worried about a situation that can’t be helped, I suppose if they know you’re suicidal it’ll help them when it happens. Make sure, if you are leaving a suicide note, it explains everything you feel, take care with it as it’s something that can’t be altered, it’s also the one thing which can help your family, to know your last thoughts and how you arrived at the decision they won’t understand and how peace is all you need. If you’re not leaving a note I’m not sure how you’ll convey that but I’m sure they’ll understand given the circumstances. As I said, I try to help if I can so I’m sorry for the situation you’re in.
I’d also place the note so they find it first before finding you, it my just help prepare them of what they’ll find, I’m truly sorry to be writing this, if there is anything I can say, but I understand.
@nias there is nothing to be sorry for. You just know I will do this anyway so you’re just advising me with what I should do for my family, I appreciate that. I have a long note for them that I wrote months ago it explains everything I felt since I was a kid with this disorder and how much I love them all individually and wrote some things that would hopefully make them feel alright about my passing.
I wish to say one more thing, that I remember you mentioning your disorder previously and I feel like saying why can’t everyone have a decent chance at life, why do you have to suffer, it’s not fair, why isn’t life fair, if only. I wish you’ll…. I don’t know anything other than say, find peace flipnflap.
@nias thank you, you’re probably the only one I felt like not wasting time with on this site, you know where I’m coming from. It’s exactly why I don’t believe in god anymore. People say you learn from people who have diseases or disorders or deformations, but what about those people? Are they an experiment to others? They just live their lives to suffer so that this would be the result.
I have to say as well that I doubt god exists, if he does then he’s strictly hands off when it come to his creation, praying does no good, if they are answered it’s a coincidence. I feel our lives are down to evolution pure and simple and problems that result are purely genetic evolution and not some divine intervention. Those that suffer are not an experiment to others and to be pitied, one can feel sorry for their circumstances but they should be accepted as fellow human beings and loved and helped in every day life. We are all a conscienceness inhabiting a body but it’s that body that plays a big part in how others perceive us and I suppose it’s human nature to find it difficult to look beyond the body to the person inside. I always worry when I write this kind of thing as I don’t want to offend anyone but the thought that someone suffering because of a divine master plan or some kind of example to others, no, those that think that are wrong. You’re so right in your belief, it’s just a fate of genetics and if that’s it then to live or to die is purely your decision as to whether the pain of living is too much or not.
@nias you absolutely said it all.
@nias how old are you?
I’m 46, how old are you?
I figured you’re that old because you’re so wise. I’m 19.
I shouldn’t have asked you that, one thing is that I get emotional, I should stay off this site but I keep coming back, you’re so young for all this to be taking place in your life. I know age isn’t a factor in suicide but I find it hard when young people reach a point where suicide becomes a consideration. You say I’m wise but I can’t find words at the moment, I know your reasoning but it’s still difficult, I said before that it’s your decision to make but you’ve had the cards stack against you, forcing your hand and that’s what I find sad, what could have been for you if things had been different.
Yeah, age really isn’t a factor in suicide, and it’s not fair in general for this to take place anytime in my life. In my condition anyway, it’s better to have done it even earlier at least so I won’t be miserably giving up like now.
Flipnflap, just wondering if you are still around, I know you were trying to end it last time, don’t know if I should hope you were successful and quick or if you decided to wait for a while, either way I hope you have found some peace.
No.. unfortunately still “living.” Started college but I don’t attend any classes. I just delay my hanging every day (out of fear of the pain I’ll have to endure).. I spend most of my money on drinking and drugs that can make me unconcious.. and even though I’m badly depressed I joke, I don’t know how that is.. so supposedly that’s my life. You know how you have to feel that energy of life to be able to go on? I can’t feel that.
Any advice on a good tasting drink? Can’t bear the taste of any really.
Anyone else gets this sort of happiness feeling when they plan their death to be when everyone’s asleep but after they fail they get turned down so bad to the point of a mental breakdown? This is my life now.. just trying to cross over but failing. I really now don’t want any method other than hanging, you know why? Breathing helium sounds good and painless and it’s actually the only method I can probably do successfuly, only if I’m alone in the house and can afford a helium/gas tank, but I think hanging would be a better idea for those who will see me because then they’ll really understand and appreciate me because feeling depressed to the point of hanging myself takes a lot of guts and means that I had a lot of pain that I couldn’t endure and so that’s why I did it. I think killing myself painlessly would make some people think I’m selfish and I don’t want anyone to think that, I want them to understand that I was really feeling that bad and that there was actually something called mental illness that led me to do something as suffocating myself with intention.