My father murdered my mom I’m tired of living

Since I can remember at age 4 my father has physical abused my mother and about two years ago he disappeared her into a canal and took her life away he is now in jail and not ever coming out and my mom was found this summer to make the story short and well I’m here struggling with everything my little sister had to move in with me and I think my bf does not like her sometimes I think he does not like me either I have no friends I block everyone out of mylife I trust no one due to my life experiences I feel very trapped and depressed with all my thoughts and emotions that i feel so tormented that I don’t want to live anymore in this world my bf is not supportive of anything he is very selfish never really helps me with anything it like what happened to me and my family is fake or something I don’t know what to do anymore he does not get what I’m going through and the fact that will soon have to testify in court against my father is really tough for me I feel that my solution is to die it is all too much bottled up inside I have no one I feel very lonely