My Story

Okay, I’ve read some stories on here and they made me feel like I could share mine. When I was in seventh grade I was a really happy person. I was like everyone else. I laughed, I played around a lot. I was always happy. Then towards the end of the year this girl (I’ll call her P) started to harass me. She constantly talked bad about me and said terrible things. She would write posts about me on Facebook and say I didn’t deserve to be alive. I don’t know why she hated me so much. Her and her group of friends would constantly tease me and call me names in school. Eventually they started to destroy my belongings. It never got physical but it really hurt my feelings. She was evil. She ruined my life, she constantly bullied me and I couldn’t take it. One of her “friends” was my ex best friend (let’s call her G) also created problems with me. They all consistently harassed me. They were terrible. I would cry everyday. I was always so bad. I went from a person full of life, to full of hate. I got constant threats in messages or just always told how worthless I was. I told a teacher. They got in trouble it stopped. It still hurt but I moved on. I was constantly reminded because I saw those people everyday. Then I met Kevin in the summer before 8th grade. He was a sophomore in high school. We became best friends. He got to know me and my troubles. We were inseparable.  I spent 8th grade alone. I just talked to Kevin when I got home. I was still sad. But he made it better. Then towards the end of 8th grade, my mom left my dad and I went with her. It nearly killed me, I cried and I cried. I got bad again. Or worse. My mom went back with my dad two weeks later and it was kind of just bad. They didn’t love each other. I felt like they didn’t love me. I felt like no one loved me. Kevin and I dated for eight months then we broke up the summer before I started 9th grade. In 9th grade we were at the same school. I saw him and I was just reminded of my best friend/boy I loved more than anything in the world.  In the beginning of my freshman year I met someone else. Joseph. He was so nice. He had a smile that killed me. He was always so nice. He made me laugh. He made me forget. We became great friends. Then he said he liked me. Then he said he loved me. I believed him. I wanted to be with him. He made me feel better. But he had me brainwashed. I don’t even remember half of that time. I was always on anti depressants or sleeping pills. I was always bad. He made me think that without him I would be nothing. And then I started to self harm. I cut because I wanted to die. I wanted to escape everything. I wanted to forget how shitty my life was. I wanted to escape the dark hole, Joseph put me in. Then my mom started treating me bad. I hated her. My friends stopped being there. I guess they thought I wasn’t worth saving. Or they just got tired of my sadness. I know he brainwashed me I know he broke me I know he ruined me I know he mentally abused me. But I think a part of me still believes I changed something in him. I got to know the darkest most twisted parts of him. He was the charmer. And I made him fall in love with me. I loved him. I probably will always make excuses for him. But I self harmed and I took pills to forget. Then Joseph left me. I was broken but I got up. Kevin started talking to me again, and at a party I was wearing a sleeveless dress and he saw my arms;my wrists. He asked me why I cut. The look on his face broke me. I later that night told him I loved him but I just couldn’t stop. He told me he had an eating disorder. I broke. I couldn’t stop cutting. The cutting made me numb. Kevin made me promise I’d try to get better, and I made him promise me the same. I was 26 days clean. Cut free. My parents got in a fight. They screamed. I cut. I started over. Kevin and I dated again. We broke up in the summer. I got myself together. And we decided to commit to each other without committing. This is this year now. like now. My best friend started to treat me bad and to be a ***** basically. Idk things are reallly screwed up now. I don’t know what I want. I’m unhappy. I want to kill myself. I want to say it gets better. But idk how to get better. I just know I’m trying really hard. 

This might not sound important to anyone, but I had to let my feelings out. I didn’t mention it but in every little story there is atleast one suicide attempt. I have tried to kill myself various times. I didn’t succeed. But I’m glad I didn’t. Even though things are screwed up. I have the person I love most by my side and good people to help me get better. I think everyone just needs to find their anchor.