Ahem. *clears throat* Awkward. TnT Fuck. Anxiety. Let’s see. Lost 3 friends to suicide. 1 had recently attempted. Idk. I used to have a whole group of friends. Depression came by for a visit. Boom. Became distant and just closed myself up from everyone. Avoiding people all day at school unless I’m stuck with a partner. Realized no one gives a shit about me disappearing. Yep. *becomes air* Probably going to fail school because I’m skipping classes to avoid having anxiety attacks even though I still have them. Holy horseshit I’m probably sounding like some little shit right now. *face palms* How did I even get myself onto this website, I have no idea. Ranting without a single soul knowing who I am. Hmm. Relapsed today. Yay. Not. *shrugs* I tried to not do it.
ene Even on this site, I feel like an outcast. Everyone fits in, I don’t. -3- Oh well. I’m used to it…
No I’m not.
My life:
-Frustration. No, not sexual frustration. Frustration. Where you need to punch and break everything and just. Yeah.
-No hope. Yer. Wanting to grow up and become something important. Travel the world and get paid for it. Make a tree house and live in it. Be an inspiration. Pft. Never going to happen.
-School/teachers/people. I will burn them all down and throw them down a hole filled with Satan’s spit. v.v Man. Teachers are just. No. Schools are no. People are no. They don’t understand anything. They just throw so much stress on my shoulders like I’m some super human that can carry anything. Like, no. I’d like to graduate with my arms, legs and head attached please.
-Society. I’d love it if all judge-mental little *censored word* shove their words up their ass and not speak unless it’s good.
-Family. I’d love to live on my own. To not have friends or family. That way, I can just jump off a bridge and not be missed.
-What the fuck am I even doing here. Just ranting about useless stuff. T.T *silently hoping no little security shits come knocking on my door to take me to some therapist or just throw me into some hospital*
2 real life friends. 3 internet friends. Don’t give a fuck about relatives. Barely speaks to family. Avoids everyone at school as much as I can. Bathroom in B wing will be my 2nd home at school. School and home together wtf. Hmm. Despise food so much. Face is ugly. Hair is crazy. Wishing I can runaway or jump off a bridge. Almost walked straight into on-coming cars twice. I think that’s all. o-o My life.
Ew. I feel like whoever reads this will judge me. If you do, fuck you. I’m merely trying to get my life together again before I actually find that bridge near my house and jump off without a 2nd thought.
T.T Wondering why I’m here because even if I get my life together, it’ll just fall down *mental breakdown again*
I probably put something stupid up there that offended someone. Oops. Ignore me. I don’t mean harm. *surrenders* I fail at life e.e Such useless rants.
3 comments
When you’re the one being judged it’s hard not to judge back. Frankly all the shit judgements have been directed at me not from me. I will admit though I’ve had enough and yep that’s got me angry and I vent. Anyone would if they copped what I have…anyone.
It is. ;o; Judgements are so mean :/ Always targeted at everyone even at people that shouldn’t get targeted at. cx That’s good, not spreading the hate, etc. I used to write on Wattpad like it’s my little journal to let out my feelings so that it wouldn’t get all bottled up but then it’s kind of hard because no one will see it nor help me. Then, I was afraid I’d do something stupid without thinking like I usually do and looked up suicide hotlines and found this website. I literally just realized I’m ranting, oops. *n*
I don’t know if you’ll still be checking the comments on this post at this point, but now that I’m in a clearer state of mind I went back and read your first post here. I dig your style of writing for some reason… it’s like, hyper, frantic even. A direct translation of the thoughts in your head with seemingly almost no intermediate steps in-between. I mean, it makes sense since this is a rant after all, but even for that it’s kind of…unusual. I like it.
We’ve all dreamed of living in a tree-house at some point, right? Although I think that in my fantasy scenario, I wouldn’t be the one making it. I’d just pay someone else to do it. Cuz cash monay would no longer be an issue, of course.
If you do fail school it’s not the end of the world. Even college is still possible. I have a friend who dropped out of HS and he’s in a pretty decent college now, due to good GED scores. And the ACT of course, which is a real *****. But obviously this all depends on where you live.
And don’t worry about the ranting…it’s kind of the non-dedicated purpose of this site, after all. You talk about how you don’t fit in? Keep ranting, make a witty or snide remark here and there, and you’ll fit in just fine…lol. It really just boils down to imposing your presence on the site until they either love you or they hate you.