I had a rough life since the day I was born i’ve been attempting to overcome hardships one after another after another with no break in between. I had my heart broken not once but twice by the same jerk of a guy. I had lost hope stopped believing in the possibility of anything good. Recently I realized, I forgive my ex and have truly let him go and all the feelings with him. That’s not to say that the memories are gone or that there isn’t pain, because there still is. I do want to love someone and be loved by someone a healthier love because clearly now I see what doesn’t work. I want to try it with this guy I know but we just aren’t really aligned together with our lives plus we are just friends. I don’t think he has the time or interest in being with me and I could see myself with him, sometimes. Someday’s I honestly do try to have feelings for him to love him even if it’s just a little but I don’t. I guess I feel like I should considering we have known each other for almost a year. I don’t know I just want to find someone to be with, I’m not really scared anymore. But then deep down in the pit of my heart I’m still miserable, sad, negative and hateful. I truly want to be happy, try to live a happy life but deep down something keeps holding me back. I don’t know what it is or how to stop it. Everyday I wake up I have to fight off the depression, granted its not as hard of a fight anymore but its still a struggle. Now I have added struggles, I struggle to feel positive emotions like love and happiness and to believe in myself. I don’t really put myself out there I mostly stay at home alone which probably doesn’t help.
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I’ve had my heart broken a half dozen times easy. I’ve a failed engagement with a woman I’ll never see again and my closest friends I used to confide in are hundreds of miles away at the closest.
It’s tough. But you mend. Day by day. The important part is to move forward, even if just a single step. If you aren’t moving forward you’re standing still (obvious right?) and if you’re standing still you might as well be walking backwards because that’s where your mind will be going.
One of the many things I’ve learned is that there’s no force in love. If your ex ‘broke your heart’ they weren’t worthy. And if this new guy doesn’t seem right they probably aren’t. If you have to force someone to love you they don’t really love you.
It’s good you say you’ve been able to forgive your ex. That’s an important healing process. I’ve been there. I hated one of my exes so long I refused to speak with her for almost a year even though she tried very hard to remain a friend. The biggest problem wasn’t my anger for her though but the anger for myself. I really didn’t care as much about what she’d done to wrong me but what I’d allowed her to do. You need to turn that forgiveness on yourself (corny right?).
Do what you need to stay happy at home (I understand the value of a core comfort zone) but try to branch out where you can. Go for walks, short walks even. Get some sunlight (I hate the damn sun but it’s a fact it helps counter depression).
Keep fighting the fight. You’ll make it through too (you aren’t alone).
Just be careful, really careful, who you invest any time or effort in. Usually they are not worth it. people make the worst investment.
Absolutely! great piece of advice! unfortuantly sometimes you’ve got to make the mistake to learn from it. But wherever possible take a step back and give it a good thought before you go ahead with it or someone.