Have you ever wanted someone to give you everything. You spent forever obssesing over it getting emotionally drained over what you need and not focusing on what you are given. I realized a little too soon… too late that even if he gave me what I wanted I still wouldn’t know what to do with it. Thats just logic. A WOMAN WHO ACTS LIKE A CHILD WITH MEN LOOKING FOR COMFORT AND REGECTION. LOVE ME LOVE ME I told him when I don’t even love myself. So I left him before he could leave me so I could fix myself and become worthy but all I became was worse. Now I can lead people on and give them hope and crush them why do I do this? This isn’t battle of the sexes this is my life. And I can only get so much frome someone else but I can’t get a father. Now all I want is what I had before because when I was with him I wasn’t this crazy. Now I just need 59 inches of therapy to be ok again. I didn’t fix myself. I’m worse.
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I’m not sure what 59 inches of therapy is…but I would sincerely recommend some sort of therapy. Not sure if these are abandonment and daddy issues…or early childhood sexual abuse issues…or as was my case…BOTH. Either way, there is a way to “get better”. Problem is…it is hard work…but then so is surviving.
I am sorry that you don’t love yourself…most of us don’t eh? But then how can you love yourself if you don’t know yourself? This is the purpose of therapy. Sounds like somewhere down the line you chose to believe things about yourself that weren’t necessarily true. Almost like you are living the life that people created for you…instead of living the life you inherently know is possible.
ahhhh….but then what do I know…other than I smoke too much weed. 😀
Haha 59 inches of therapy is me I’m 4’11 I like to think every inch of me needs therapy. Child abandonment is too say the least but no I wasn’t raped. But I know people who have been and god I swear its like we suffer from the same root of our problems. But I don’t know I don’t think I believe in therapy I don’t need someone to tell me what I already know.
I agree with you about therapy , I hate telling shrinks my life story only for them to discuss every inch of it without telling me something new that I didn’t already know.
Sometimes when you’re on medication you have the most weird dreams. I was having my usual evening nap and dreamt that my dad was submerged in an icy lake. By the time I got there he was frozen solid. As I was pulling him out his body snapped in half and then he unfroze and said what the fuck is going on. That’s when I woke up in a disturbed state. I don’t know what any of these dreams mean but it was a kind of bizarre. Whenever something bad or strange happens I sing along embarrassing music (right now I’m singing TLC – No Scrubs). Ah, all my music is embarrassing.
I meant to ask you that you listen to like really up beat music ha ha right now I couldn’t if I tried.
Yeah, I’ve gone through various phases trying new things. I’ve got some downbeat soulful stuff too but yeah I like music that makes you move.
I could tell that’s good though music in general is just a great escape.