You deserve better than the better you made me.

Out of all the boys in high school I fell deeply for the emotionally unavailable. This person who I would like nothing more than to give all of myself too has never felt love. While guys were in there  room every night playing video games he was working or running errands for his mother. Not your average teenager he was a man. As psychotic and bi polar as I can be …as I am I was always my best with him but its hard for me to express my emotions to someone who I knew liked me so much but never said anything. So there we were prom night while my date was one of my best friends when he got there he was mine. Almost as if we had gone together there he was approaching me for that last slow dance. We spent the night together partying dancing kissing marveling but when we returned to school I was hoping to be something while he wasn’t ready. As time progressed I saw things girls throwing themselves at him but he didn’t nudge. It still drove me mad how we saw each other almost everyday and I still didn’t receive a title. But even I knew I didn’t deserve one. It wasn’t until my birthday that I realized I was in what I thought was love with this person and it took a drunken heart felt conversation of 2 hours for him to admit that he couldn’t say he liked me even if he wanted to because he feels something he’s never felt before. It wasn’t until then that I realized I kissed someone else at my party because I didn’t invite him because i saw him at school hugging someone in front of me .. when i saw this girl put her finger in my favorite place his ear. She was doing what I started with him. Wasn’t until he told me for the first time in his life he was willing to try something with me that I knew he might fall for me and I wasn’t worth it. Because it he knew the thoughts that go on in my head when i see him with other girls ..well he would run for the hills. So little by little he start becoming everything I wanted to be I found my self invested in him and only him he wasn’t just that boy I met in high school anymore. He was anywhere , anything and everything to me. So I did what my father would do when any of us start telling him we love him. I left. Of course I returned with my sorry and my honesty I told him I was crazy and not worth his trys and he doesn’t want to stop trying. He’s been on vacation.. for three months now. AND I .. I’ve been giving my sinful ways to another guy in order to feel something. I wish I wasn’t my fathers daughter. I wish I didn’t have to have men touch me in order to feel whats real. He waited at least a year before he touched me or even stole a kiss why didn’t I wait three months. He made me a better person because he showed me what I never felt happiness but I’ve given him nothing but grief. He deserves better than me.