A new beginning

Last year on December 9th I lost my virginty, to a guy I thought really liked me. We where talking over the summer and he was always busy. After many tries we finally saw each other. The place where we going to go was closed so he said lets just go to the park. He asked if I had any smokes, I told him no. So we went across the street and he made me pay for the cigs. As we got to the park it started to rain. I was very nervous no other guy has ever liked me or even asked me out and I was 18. This is the first time we met, and I have really bad anxiety but I made myself go. As we where in his car he lit the cig. After that he tried to kiss me and I pulled away. I told him I never kissed anyone and I was afraid. So he made me kiss him. He then went on top of me, an he started making out with me. He was like what do you want to do next? I told him lets have sex… He wanted to finger me and eat me out but I was afraid because I didn’t shave down there. So I kept pushing to have sex he finally gave in. To me it was the most exciting part of my life, I finally had a bf. after we had sex he turned his car on and took me back home. The next day I texted him… no answer. I told my friend destiny, she was the one who hooked us up. She texted him and he answered her right away. He said his ex gf was in the hospital and he didn’t want anything to do with me. I didn’t believe him about his ex, I knew he didn’t want me. I went into her room and cried my eyes out. After 30 mins I had to leave, she didnt want me to she knew I would do something stupid. But I promised her I was going to be okay. After a few weeks I didn’t get my period and my boobs felt sore I was always nausea. I told my friends what happened to me. They where supportive and mad at him. They knew he was an asshole but I did not listen. I asked Kayla if she would go to Walgreens with me and take a pregnancy test with me. We went to the bathroom and waited it was negative. I then by myself went to the dollar store and kept buying them. Some were positive and some weren’t. I told my friend Frankie. He told me that he wasn’t sure, and that we should go to the clinic so I tried to and it was closed. After a week I kept taking tests and had the same results. So me and Frankie made a appointment at a doctors office. I told my mom I was going to work, she had no idea. Frankie was running late and I was soooo scared. I went into the doctors room and she made me take a pregnancy test. It came back negative, she then did another one it was a faint positive. So she made me take a blood test. After 2 weeks she called and told me I was negative. I didn’t believe it because I had so many positives. I told my friend Kayla about everything. We then made another appointment to another doctors. I took another pregnancy test, it was negative. She told me I should go and do an ultra sound. The next week me and Kayla went. The test came out as me having a fatty liver. I knew I was pregnant, I then knew that I had a misscariage. The worst part was the guy never knew any of it and he had a new girlfriend. After 3 months I finally got a hold of him. I told him what happened he told me he was very sorry. He then told me he and his gf broke up. He wanted to know if me and him could be sex buddies. I didn’t believe him that he broke up with his gf. So I made a fake profile. On Instagram and I then messaged his gf that he was trying to get with me, she didn’t believe me. Even when I showed her the messages. I told Kayla what happened and she got mad at me. Saying he wasn’t really cheating and I shouldn’t have done that. I got mad and said things I shouldn’t have. Frankie didn’t want anything to do with me either. He was really mad at me because I put all of my use pregnancy test on his car, as a joke. When I went to school I had no one but this girl Chris. She tried helping me. After a couple months Kayla finally talked to me. Chris then got mad. And wrote nasty things on my FB wall. Everyone then expect for Frankie was on my side and told her to leave the group. From then on I went into deep depression. I did the same exact thing he did to me to a guy. I’m still trying to deal with everything. Even though it was a year ago. I just want to be better