I’m gonna try and make/keep a pledge this winter to not feel the cold loneliness of winter and the holidays. Of course I will feel lonely, but I want to try my best not to make excuses to why I’m so lonely, blaming it on the cold and the holidays. I don’t want to be desperate for some one else to be there. I don’t want to provoke sympathy from others by claiming “the winter’s are so lonely, they are the worst”
I want to make a pledge to be strong and endure, unshaken. I won’t let my mind be taken over by the cold and solitude of winter. This I pledge
I encourage you all to do the same
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I usually do better, emotionally speaking, in the winter than I do in spring/summer. Autumn’s a toss-up. Last week, it snowed for the first time, and coincidentally, I worked more hours in that one week than I have ever worked in one consecutive week in my life. Next week’s paycheck is going to rock – 24 hours of overtime, baby. The last shift I worked was yesterday and just as I was walking out the door, it started to snow. It was a beautiful sight. The world feels more insulated, less complicated, and you can walk down the road and not see a single soul for miles and miles.
I was just thinking about the winter holidays the other day. They’ve been a rough time for me. Maybe this type of pledge is something that would help.
I’m the complete opposite, I love the winter! 😛 but there’s no significant reason, i just don’t like the hot and human summers. But anyways, hope you have a good winter! And enjoy the Fall while it lasts! 😀
humid*
Having written all that I wrote, i still stand by a few personal rules..
1. This doesn’t mean I have to fucking smile for anyone. I just went to visit my mom and she actually said to me.. “try and smile, it might make you feel better” …I’m not retarded, ya know!? No amount of smiling is gonna take away how I feel inside. I might have faith in myself and the world but I’ll smile when some one says something funny, not cause I’m told it will make me feel better. I wouldn’t dare tell anyone to smile just because.
2. I still need help, and till I get it I will remain unhinged and emotionally unstable. My pledge won’t be canceling out any tears this winter.
And 3.. I’m still hoping to find someone to spend my time with. I don’t want to choose to be alone if I don’t have to. I recently met a girl, and it was going so good for a while there, and then I screwed it up.. I almost had a girlfriend, I was so close. I’m hoping she will either come to her senses so I don’t have to feel alone, or I hope to find another girlfriend soon. This is not just a blind pledge to make myself feel better. It’s a commitment to stay strong and keep trying to live my life. There will be no hiding from the cold..I promise
Keep at it and stay strong. And when someone tells you to smile because it might make you feel better, stick your tongue out at them and scowl. Or don’t. Whatever helps in that moment.
Like I was saying on the other post.. it’s internal. The best verbal medicine comes from strong people who understand depression and mental disorder. They know it’s an internal struggle and they never tell you to smile. They simply understand and nothing else comes of it. People like my mom don’t understand anything, never learned a thing growing up or as an adult. So of course she will recommend the first thing she wouldn’t even feel like doing… smiling
Makes me sick…I know how to fucking smile. But I’m also a real fucking person.
(Sorry, booze fueled manic moment)
She might be projecting – she feels miserable, so she thinks the only way to stop feeling that way is to get everyone around her to think she’s less miserable than they are. Which of course makes everyone around her feel more miserable.
I think you hit that right on its nose
…ok, I’ll smile to that ..sure why not?!
I’ve tried to explain the emotional tone scale to my mom before. But she never gets anything I tell her.
The trick to talking someone “up” in emotion is that you must match them emotion for emotion and slowing bring them up. If you match happy with a sad or apathetic person, they will only feel worse off and possibly reject the happiness all together. And it’s important to not make it all about “you” when talking some one up. For example my mom text me.. “I’m sorry, as usual I said the wrong thing” ..see, all about her now. This is why I want to move far enough I don’t have to talk to her. She needs to let me live in peace without her half assed uneducated bad advice giving self making me feel alienated.
That might be her goal (though she might not realize it). It’s a malformed coping strategy to unload one’s emotions on someone else, by flipping the emotional table around. The trick is to flip it back to them and walk away – it’s not you that has the problem in those situations. Contentment is, as you brushed on, an internal state and not something that comes from feeling superior than someone else – it’s something that rests squarely on your own ability to self-validate. You are who you want to be.
When she tells you to smile, just smile knowing that she’s just as miserable – the only difference will be that your smile might be authentic. Heh.
But why does everyone hate the winter? If there was ever a time of year where you could easily escape all the infuriating crap other people throw at you, it’s wintertime. Put on a few layers, grab a warm hat and go walk in the sparkly snow, listen to the hushed pfft pfft pfft of the flakes landing on snowdrifts, secure in the knowledge that everyone else thinks you’re insane and won’t leave the house. I always figure everyone else is nuts to never experience the mystery of a snow shower at midnight. The busiest city turns into a desert of activity, and it’s just the weirdest thing on earth. Like the apocalypse, only not horrifying.
I don’t mean to sound like I hate my mom or dislike her. She just doesn’t understand ..literally, anything. She makes up her own dumb ass knowledge and somewhere in her life she figured out that if she plays the sympathy card then people will love her more and appreciate her more. She’s admitted to me she carries a fake smile.. well she must have forgot that I’ll never forget that. I learned a long time ago to never be fake with people and never play on emotions.
Now she’s trying to tell me to go see this regular doctor who isn’t even on my insurance. The fucked up part about this is she already recommended this guy and I explained to her I’m never going back to that doctor cuz he’s not a real doctor. He’s a cookie cutter doctor. I swear.. it’s like she wants to piss me off so she can feel worse about her bad advice. There’s no other explanation
I was just thinking about that the other day. With the holiday seasons coming up I started thinking about whats been going on recently specifically drama with my moms side of the family, having issues with my boyfriend. etc. and with whats coming up such as thanksgiving break, then my college exams first week of december, then christmas break. Its truely been a rough road these past few months. my goal is just to take care of myself and get what needs done and if they don’t like they can go f*** themselves.
I just learned I may be out of a job for the winter.. this is fucked. I have no money to survive and they want to lay me off. Idk how the fuck I’m gonna keep myself together now
So sorry to hear i wish i could help
I can agree they just recently fired 3 people at the job I work at.
Companies firing people such greedy horrible companies. I can understand if they fire an idiot. But not if they fire anyone else
Thank you
My boss just told me he wanted me to work for him for the next 20 years. But now.. Hopefully they are just talking about a little time off and not laying me off. I don’t want to look for another job, Im broke as it is
Well I lost that job… they laid me off. Can’t Believe It One bit..
Things have gotten way worse.. if this is a test to see how much faith I have in myself, I am failing this all the way. The winter hasn’t even begun..
Forget having some one to hold during the winter.. I don’t even know if I can be held anymore. I feel so lost and separated from myself.. all I can think about is ending this suffering. I cant focus enough to get anything done..idk what I’m doing anymore. All I want to do is secure all my possessions and and be done with my life once and for all. I cant do this..I don’t want to do this