About a few weeks ago I felt this alarming depressed like feeling or simply a depression… feeling that I want to escape it all, felt like a heavy wave of everything and everyones feelings.. I began to read about suicide in details – methods, reasons, experiences and so on (I got myself a 4 meter long and 24 mm thick hemp rope for drop hanging, storing it in my car for now).. and then at some point I just collapsed and cried …last time I cried like that was in my teens maybe, I am male and 29 now.
There is still some remains of this alarming feeling though.. I just do not want to sit in front of a computer for the rest of my life, it just feels abnormal.. to me it is an even more powerful brainwasher than the TV. I do work almost year-round in a forest (with a chain- and clearing saw) and I do work hard, so you know that I am not a parasite who just sits around the house doing nothing.. but I cannot work all the time, then I feel like a boiled rag.. wish I could though, so I do not have to return to my lonely apartment and be around my neighbours… if life would just guide me to someone, just ONE.. but it seems that people are ignoring me lately as well, everyone is attached to their smartphones, this damned technology is separating us (just like in Wall-E) and most of us do not see the obvious.
Would be cool if we all as human race could commit suicide at one time.
So does anyone else wish to share..
4 comments
I certainly don’t want the whole human race to die. No, there are some awesome folks out there that create beautiful, lasting works of art and music. There are folks that sacrifice themselves to help others. No, there are beautiful people out there. I’ve known them. They need to breed.
I agree with you for the most part, but we have to be realistic – there is a few winners and a whole bunch of losers.. those will not have any bright future, they will just exist. If we could leave only the brighter ones, then sure I wish them to live and thrive.
What I meant is that we (as human race) are not evolved sufficiently to live in harmony with nature and one another.. I do believe we need our DNA to be fully operational or to have a complete restart of the race, that is why I say it would be cool / good to just wipe everyone at once.
so if you could be happy and nothing was holding you back – what would your life look like
Well, honestly I cannot describe it in one sentence. I think you really know how an utopian world looks like… just use your imagination.. I do that all my life and just refusing to accept our reality.
The first and most important part for me is to have SOMEONE I can trust completely, a woman which is a supportive friend, my beloved one and motherlike.. just ONE.. so that I can focus myself only on HER. That is a first step in being happy for me, I believe that if you have a DEEP connection with someone and you know this person can be by your side whenever you need them.. then everything else just seems / feels easy to deal with.
As you can understand I have not met this kind of person yet, I am 29 now. The longest relationship I had was like a week or so, others lasted just a few days and that was in my teens. The last relationship was ca 9 year ago and it was the longest (a week or so), she wanted only my money and made a lot of bullshit stories just to have it (I realized that only after years), despite this I was honest with her. So.. I can thank her, that I became REALLY sceptical about the people and my trust for them is quite weak (but I still have hope, like everyone else).