I’ve lived with anxiety and depression all my life. The only reason I’m still here is because of the love I have for my mom. Recently I have found myself in some serious trouble. To the point that I have lost everything I’ve worked for. I’ll be homeless, carless,jobless, pennyless, and loveless. Just a week ago I had all that. I made the mistake to drink and drive. As a out of state truck driver trying to move from AZ to NY to be with a woman whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Of course my dark thoughts got in the way and we fought all the time. I was at a hotel drinking my anxiety away. I stepped outside to have a cig and locked myself out. The office was closed. It was freezing out so I made the life alternating choice to get behind the wheel. I drove like an asshole. Was doing 85 to get to my truck and sleep in the sleeper. Cop pulled me over. I was hammered. I also had a loaded 9mm with me. In AZ this is not a big deal but in NY it’s a felony. So I list my license. Lost my job. GF kicked me out because she doesn’t want a felon living with her kids. I think the lord is finally telling me to end this miserable existence. I have nothing now. Just my clothes. I’ve tried suicide at least 3 times this week but stopped myself each time. It’s only a matter of time before I excuse myself to the next world. If you are reading this I hope you understand that sometimes you just need to go. It’s my time. I lived. I was here. No regrets. I never physically hurt anyone. Take me Lord. Into your arms I am delivered.
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If you’re in New York, particularly the greater NYC area, check with local resources… to include Community Outreach, churches, Social Services, Food Banks, Goodwill and the Salvation Army, etc. These entities could assist getting you a roof, some food, and some clothes. Some agencies might be able to get you a short-term stay at a hotel. It’s the off-season in some parts of New York so subsidizing hotel rooms would be cheaper. (I’ve alternated between my car and tourist-town hotel rooms during the winter when I was homeless. Much, much cheaper than summer rates.) It won’t be paradise but it will be functional.
It appears that you have access to the internet. Research. Call. Research. Call. Repeat. Find out what resources are available. If you’re still facing some charges, there may be a public defender available to help you. Also see if there are Career Centers in your area. They get job lists by the dozens from area companies. If thre is local public transportation, even better. Yes, I realize you’re facing some legal issues… but that doesn’t exclude you from every job. If you’re spiritual, walk into a house of worship. You’ll feel some love… possibly network… and maybe cross paths with someone who can assist.
The last thing you should do is give up. NOBODY is perfect. We all make mistakes. But nearly every mistake can be remedied. Allow yourself time to make a strategy to get through this. It can be done.
Thank you. Your words are meaningful. I’ll look into those choices. I’m not giving up till the end is for sure homeless and broke. I don’t believe I could handle that.