I just want this nightmare to end. I want to wake up and find none of this really ever happened. The love of my life, my reason for living has found someone else. He’s still here with me in body, but not entirely here. I know it’s still going on and I want to die so badly. The only reason that I’ve not done it yet is because I hope one of these days he’ll see, that he’ll open his eyes and see that it was all just a big mistake. But I’ve not many days left, I just hope it happens soon.
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You say he’s still there — has he confessed to seeing someone else? Or have you discovered this and not told him yet? Depending on your circumstances (if you co-own a home or other possessions, etc), you should try to collect evidence of his activities. Don’t confront him yet, just get as much proof as you can, and if you’re married, consider consulting with a lawyer. If you have a joint checking or savings account and he’s spending community funds on his affair, you might be able to hold him legally accountable for that.
Google “Talk About Marriage Coping with Infidelity”, and read through the discussion forum. They’ll be able to offer support and really great advice for getting through this.
Best wishes.
We have been married for 21 years, it’s not the assets that concern me, it’s that he doesn’t love me anymore. He’s all I’ve ever had, and he’s become a totally different person. It’s like being widowed but having to see someone that looks just like the one you’ve lost. It’s too excruciating to bear. I don’t know how much longer I can.
My experience was much shorter-lived than yours, but my depression subsided and life seemed to have meaning while he was in my life. And then, the same thing – he just became a different person. I stopped mattering. He’s like a stranger. I’ve been hoping the person I know will eventually return, but I keep getting crushed. It’s a hope I desperately wish i could give up, because it’s almost certainly a false hope, and it’s extending the agony and prolonging any chance of recovery. But I can’t quite let go. Sometimes I still get mixed signals, false reassurance, but it always ends in disappointment.
Your experience must be even more intense and troubling than mine. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this.
Even if you’re not worried about assets now, please try to think ahead and do whatever you can to protect yourself. This is one of the biggest regrets people have when they go through this process, they start off stunned and sad, and they don’t have the wherewithal to think about anything else. Later, they wish they’d had the presence of mind to protect themselves before the real fallout started. And do check out that forum, if you’re up to it – they are warriors, most of them have been exactly where you are, they know all the pitfalls, and you’ll get a lot of empathy and support. I’d link it here, but links seem to get flagged as spam. Maybe I’ll try posting the link in another comment.