I should leave but i can’t.

I really want to let him go but i cannot it has been two miserable years filled with heart brake and tragedy. I love him yes i do with all my heart but he’s a monster that made me into a mentally insane person. Your probably wondering what the hell I’m talking about well heres my story.
He’s my boyfriend and well we have been together for two years now almost three I’m 17. at first things were nice and filled with butterflies and rainbows but then, but then i saw the monster that was hiding behind that gentle warm smile. You know i used to think love was the only way to cure this loneliness inside my heart i was alone ever since i was a child and didn’t need anyone. I was a cold person and my parents used to be so worried because i never returned their affection. But i did day dream for hours about my one true love i was a little girl and all i wanted was someone to love and hold me and make me feel like a princess. I know that was a childish little dream of mines but now i see and understand how someone so beautiful and lovely to look at can be the devil and destroy your life. Love doesn’t exist between two different people its just a way for the humans to have hope and make them feel like theres someone out there who cares when in reality there isn’t anyone. He filled me with so much hope and happiness he said so many sweet things to me but they were all lies when i would turn around he would go behind my back and cheat on me and do horrible things and when i would find out and tell him he would say I’m crazy he would say I’m insane and he would tell me that no one loves an insane girl. He once even cheated on me with his close cousin and when i found out i was disgusted i told him and he said i was the one who was crazy. When he would get mad he would throw all his anger on me and blame me for everything i would cry of course and he would laugh in my face all call me crazy and stupid. I was so afraid of him that i was starting to become his servant his dog i would do anything for him to make him happy even steal and lie so he wouldn’t get mad at me. He called me names he was my own bully that i was in love with. Soon i started blaming myself and punishing myself whenever i got him mad i would cut myself as a punishment. I started believing i really was insane i would have panic attacks and throw things around i would hurt my family members and even my friends i would go insane my parents put me in a mental hospital for a few weeks to recover from my aggressive attacks of hysteria. He started cheating on me with different girls even in front of me and i had to stay quiet or else i would face the consequences. He soon turned the whole school on me and people started calling me crazy girl or insane. I begged him to tell me why he did this to me i just wanted to be with him and for him to love me……….. i was once a girl filled with hope and dreams and happiness he took that all away from me. yes we had our sweet moments were he would kiss me and tell me he loved me but then after a while he would turn into this horrible person. Now I’m left with heart ache and more depression i want to die not because of all the things he did to me but because after all the shit i still love him and i want to be with him. it feels lonely and i used to love being alone but now i want to be with him but then i don’t please help I’m stuck in limbo. and seeing him with another girl kills me.