So I’m only 12, nearly 13. I feel like dying each day. No one knows I want to die. I darnt say anything incase of being called an attention seeker. Some of my friends know I self harm:( they are always there for me. I’m really self conscious, like I don’t like people looking at me. It’s because I’m pretty fat and ugly. I hate the way I am. I try to change but I can’t. Most people seem to hate me because I’m different, I have bright coloured hair, I’m quiet, I’m not out goibg im clever, I’m different. IM FULL BLOWN WEIRD. Everyone’s so pretty and perfect and I’m just this mess. I’ve tried taking my life before but I didnt have enough pills:( everyone thinks I’m happy, it’s funny because im the total opposite. I think about death so much it’s unreal. The thought of me not being here no more makes me smile! I’ve been bullied near enough my entire life. Two of my exs make my life a living hell:( I’ve lost my bestesy friend on the planet for wanting to die and not doing it. He also used to self harm:( we were always there for each other. And no I’ve lost him. But I gotta move away from it before it gets me down even more. I seem like I love life but I really don’t. So I’m trying to starve but I’m fat so I get hungry and have to eat:( im such a stupid cow. Any way that’s me. So Yeh. That’s me summed up:/
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2 comments
You’re right, you ARE too young to feel this way. People get stuck in survival mode at school maybe they protect themselves by being mean to others but I can’t speak for everyone. Some people close off, your depression is making it hard for you to see a light, to see possibilities of people loving you and wanting you around, it’s stopping you seeing that there is a future out there. It makes me sad that you are so young and feel this way, I just want to give you a massive hug and say that I care!! I care if you live. I care about your feelings and I want to encourage you to keep going, keep pushing yourself just another day and I hope that one day you wake up feeling even just that little bit better: with a little more motivation that the day before. Sometimes it can help to talk to a stranger, whether on here or professionally (although at your age it’s hard without parents knowing if you don’t want them to) but please know you are NOT alone. xxx
“but I didnt have enough pills”
Pills aren’t a good idea, no matter how many you have. Just FYI. You’ll most likely just vomit it up and maybe cause some damage to your insides.
Killing yourself this young isn’t a good idea either. Sounds like you’re not having a ton of fun with life right now, but you are very young, and there’s a high chance you’ll change a lot as you get older, maybe into someone you like more. So I think sticking around and seeing how things go is your best bet, rather than suicide right now.