All my life has contained of happy children and families.When I see them I can’t help but feel jealous.They seem so happy while my family acts like I wasn’t born.I wish my life could go back to normal like when I was little,we would spend every waking hour together but now we are lucky to spend 5 seconds together.After my grandfather died on January 31 2013, I have felt so alone and lost.I have tried so many times to be someone im not because I have no one to look up to and no one to help guide the way.I changed my hair recently and I like it.I have changed my style of music and my clothing.I have self-harmed for 3 months now and im 3 days clean.Now that may not seem like a big achievement but to me that could be life changing.I have thought about suicide at least 15 times in the past month.Nobody notices how broken i am and I don’t even think they care.Funny how much one can hide behind a fake smile and long sleeves.
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4 comments
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost somebody in my life also. It’s really hard because that person was the same. But it takes time for grieving. We are all different about grieving in different ways. It may take time but we can all overcome it. We will still be sad about it but we will be able to go forward in our lives,
*hug*
Congratulations on having 3 days clean. That is a big deal and it shows you can muster up some self respect even when you feel so bad. No one can take those 3 days of victory away from you.
I was an “accident” – actually my mother had cancer and was told to NOT get pregnant but she did and my father resented me like a gaggle of demons. I am best off alone but I also know how much it hurts to be alone.
As hard as it is to trust anyone it’s what we need. We need someone to confide in; someone to listen and just treat us with respect. I know there is someone out there for you and if you can just reach out you’ll find them. You deserve to be loved, cared for and respected.
Please just don’t give up.
– peace
It’s after midnight here. Congrats on four days! You rock!