I have no idea how long its been since i was last on here but i know its been awhile. I miss coming on the site everyday reading everyone’s stories, trying to help.
This week has been really rough for me. I have had 2 friends who tried killing themselves. Honestly i cant take this anymore. It hurts. I stayed up 2 nights in a row trying to talk one of them out. But it didn’t work…he tried and failed, thank god. I dont know what i would do without him in my life, he has talked me out of suicide a lot. theres something about him thats making me stay. then theres my other friend. a guy messed with her a couple times and got what he wanted and left. she got depressed, the other night she decided to get drunk and try and kill herself. she clearly knew what she was doing because she called me crying telling me she wanted to die and was telling me she was sorry. after a while one of my friends got in contact with her mother and her mother went to the friends house and picked her up and took her to the hospital. Shes fine now. She is under strict supervision. I dont even know what to do anymore. ive been crying ALL day. i dont want to lose them. they mean the world to me. if i lose either one of them ill go insane again.
I cut again. Last night was the first night in about a month that i cut. it felt good and i want more and more. i missed that feeling. the rush of pain, the blood dripping down your arm. the feeling of getting light headed after each cut. I live off that 🙂
4 comments
I can say people who cut are brave, im a guy and if I get the least bit of pain im a mess.I hope things get better for u and your friends.its hard to know what to say to stangers who u feel their pain but really cant or dont know how to help them.right now u r in my heart and mind.I love you and I hope u feel better.
thank you, its been hard on me seeing my closest friends going through this.
I know how you feel when you try to talk people out of suicide and they won’t listen to you. Every second they don’t answer you, you wonder if you’ve finally lost them. The saddest thing is that we all connect so deeply with each other because of how we feel but it’s how we feel that condemns us.
Suicidal_Chick,
I’m very sorry for the situations both of your friends are in. Dealing with friends in pain would be hard enough for anyone, but is greatly worsened when coupled with your own depression.
As for cutting, I think it’s understandable you would feel the need to do so given what you have been going through. I hope you now no longer have the urge and that things do improve, both for your friends and for you. You are all lucky to have each other – people in your lives who go so far out of their way to help one another. Best wishes to you all.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)