For so long, what kept me from doing myself in was the fear. Would I go to Hell assuming that there is one? Or would I simply disappear into nothingness? But perhaps one of my biggest fears was becoming a ghost because being damned for all eternity to stay on this Earth was one of the worst hells I could imagine. This was before I realized I was the Phantasm, of course, already a ghost in this life. Now I am no longer afraid and I have made peace with my fear. I have asked the higher power for forgiveness for my wrongs as well. I hope that wherever my soul ascends to when it is released, it is somewhere without evil or the remembrance of it. Somewhere pure and not at all human. I don’t know if any of you will understand what I mean. My mind is so gone from this plague. The anxiety is exhausting….
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I get what you mean. If I didn’t believe in Hell, I wouldn’t have lived long enough to be typing this. And you’re right about the fear being exhausting. I’m afraid of dying because I don’t know if I’ll go to Heaven and I’m sick of living in this world where millions pray each day to die, so there’s really no escape for me. I can’t go up and I can’t go down. And staying put is not desirable in the least.
I do hope you’ve truly found your peace. It would be nice to know that at least someone has. Misery doesn’t always love company… sometimes it just needs compassion and understanding.
It’s good to know someone understands. I am not afraid anymore; I will find my peace one way or another. Thank you