(When I kill myself, I’m going to tell my parents to say it was an accident. It’s better that way. They won’t be blamed or shamed by a cultural community that doesn’t understand or accept mental illness. They won’t be asked where they went wrong with me, what mistakes they made in raising me, or any other bullshit like that.)
I’m so sorry, Mom and Dad. Don’t tell anyone the truth. Say it was an accident. I don’t want you to be ostracized for my selfish decision. I know you despise lying, but please lie for all of our sakes. I don’t care what they would say about me, but I know the things they would say about you would hurt you. Please spare yourselves that pain. I’m sorry I have shamed you. Please don’t blame yourselves. This was all my fault and my doing. I promise I exhausted all other options before I came to this one. Thank you so much for all of the love and support and sacrifices you have made for me throughout my entire life. I know there were times when we did not get along, but I am so glad I grew out of that rebellious teenage phase and was able to have a good relationship with you two during the last couple of years. I love you both so much. Please, live happier lives. I’m sorry I have caused you pain. I’m sorry.
2 comments
There are many clues in this letter that the way you’ve been treated by these people has caused you to have some serious self-esteem issues, and that they would not deserve such a courtesy. I’m guessing you live in a conservative community of some kind. You need to get out of there. Move away, find work in the nearest big city and go live your life away from the judgment.
Please reconsider. I can only imagine their heartbreak at losing you. It doesn’t matter how. The death of their child will be tragic no matter what. And what about you? There may happiness to be found yet. hugs