Why? Why me? Thats something ive been asking myself for a long time. Now i know im nothing special, theres probably millions of other depressed trans kids wanting to kill themselves. I just personally cant stand this. The waking up every morning and seeing that disgusting wrong body. I am nothing but a pathetic girl who wants to be a boy who cant even wear a feminine shirt without being physically uncomfortable, a fraud who portrays themselves as someone who is fine, who doesnt cry. But i cry almost every fucking night. Im crying right now. Crying over the disgusting body i can only change so much. Over the fact ill never get to be a normal guy and that ill never be able to just live my life without this stupid mental disorder getting in the way and fucking everything up. Now this is gonna make me sound like an awful fuckin person but that whole “it takes a special person to love someone whose trans” shit pisses me the fuck off. Im glad ill be spending the rest of my life hooking up with the nearest whore to fill the lonely void in my life left because i cant keep a stable relationship.
but for some odd reason, im almost starting to enjoy the pain and suffering. I just want to watch the world bleed and die in the most painful fashion, myself included. All im told is that “this is a phase”. Really? If wanting to shoot every person in school is a phase this country is really fucked up and im glad to most likely leave it before the age of thirty. Every little thing pisses me off and when it does i become increasingly violent. Ill be happy the day i snap so bad someones going to have to shoot me
(not going to actually shoot up school though, just for those nsa people viewing this)
2 comments
I’m sorry that you find yourself in this position, but just because it’s causing you such distress. We are in a world where sexual identity is more fluid than ever before, where people can be who they want to be. You can make a full change when you feel it’s the right time, accepting who you are, just be comfortable, when it comes to living your life, you alone matter. I would also say that being trans is not a mental disorder, it’s who you are, only those who object are the ones who suffer a disorder of narrow mindedness. Don’t say you won’t find love, love can be easy or hard to find, you may find someone who’ll be head over heels in love with you, who can tell. Please don’t cry, stay calm, don’t do anything rash, don’t kill yourself, hopefully it’ll all work out for you.
Good words from Nais. Understanding grows, and we are far more aware of the complexity and fluidity of gender identity than we were even a few years ago. I know that doesn’t lessen the anguish you’re going through, but… truly the future may hold unguessable hope. Please stay with us.
I know two people (opposite genders, in their 20’s and 30’s) who are going through gender reassignment now. I admire them both and believe in their chosen futures. They both went through some terrible discouragements, and wondered whether they belonged in the world. I and many others are so grateful they stayed to follow their unique paths.