I am only living because I have kids and I don’t want to hurt them. Everyone I have ever trusted has lied to me, abused me or left me. I used to be niave and full of hopes, forgiveness and stamina. The older my kids get, the closer I get to suicide. When they are on their own and they leave me, I will definitely choose an exit plan. Lately, I think I may not be able to wait. I am not talented or skilled in any area even though I have tried many things. I’m best at loving others but no one values me in return. I’m trying to hold on. I’m not depressed, just realist.
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You say no one values you. What about the kids?
Temporarily, yes they value/ need me. That’s why I hold on. I can’t / shouldn’t/ won’t lean on them emotionally, though.
I don’t understand what you mean about not leaning on them emotionally. Could you explain to me?
I don’t think its temp. I mean, yeah they will move out but when you have good parents you will always need and want them. They are your best friends, your security. you know?
It is important and noble of you not to lean on your children for emotional support BUT you can still soak up what love they have for you. That said, if they’re teenagers or young adults, they might say or do hurtful things without meaning it to hurt you so deeply. I’ve read of parents being deeply hurt by this kind of thing. I don’t know the circumstances but if you’ve truly been a loving parent who did the best you could for your children, I’m certain despite whatever rejections or other hurtful words they throw your way in the moment (especially if they’re teens), underneath it all they will always love you back. The older they get, the better they’ll be at willingly showing that love too. Wouldn’t it be nice to see them mature enough for that to happen?
imo, their is no such thing as a mediocre mom. i have kids, two, both have moved away. just the thought of them saved my life. came close, damnit, too, close. now, in the aftermath, they keep me going. i have seen bad mothers. people who have no buisness having kids. i know women who would be great mothers and cannot have children. i also know women who are great mothers and never had a child. empty nest is tough to deal with.we put so much into the kids, that sometimes we neglect ourselves.
If I’d had kids I would have been a mediocre mom. How? I’m sure would have showered them with love and done all I could for them within reason… but at the same time I’d struggle to be the model of a happy, self-respecting adult. How parents treat themselves in front of their kids is almost as important as how they treat the kids themselves.