A long time ago I used to count down the days until stupid things like when school would start again, or when I would finally move out of the house. Now that I’m a sort of adult those things are just ridiculous. I count down to something much more important. To the day that I will attempt suicide again and I will succeed. It’s scary that I’m writing this down publicly because it’s been a secret I’ve kept to myself for so long now. I’m not looking for a way out, I’m not looking to change my mind, I’ve tried all that and it’s exhausting, so I’m just going to enjoy the next six months, the last six months, I’m going to do all the things that make me happy, and then that’s it. Some nights I wish I could speed it all up and do it there and then but I’ve made my plan and I intend to stick to it.
Just wanted to thank everyone on here for all of their kind words, not just to me but to everyone who comes on here. This is an amazing community and I’ll be a part of it for as long as I can.
1 comment
I used to have the same idea last summer. I had decided to end my life at the end of August. It was about 6 weeks prior that I felt I just couldn’t take it anymore, and that’s when I made my plan. The funny thing about plans are…just about anything can screw it up. You can’t say for a certainty that nothing will happen in those 6 months that might make you rethink everything. For me, it was this stupid little thing called falling in love. It ruined everything, and now here I am still. I don’t even have it in my mind to make another plan or set another date. I’m just floating around life doing nothing.
I’m not saying that your plan won’t work, it just that, as you probably know from experience, no suicide plan is foolproof. Anything can happen between now and then, most of which you can’t control. I wish you happiness.