I have been confined to my house for 3 years and confined to bed for long periods of time due to severe, progressive Rheumatoid Arthritis and Anemia. These are my 2 worst health problems out of 30+ diagnosed chronic illnesses.
If you see me on the very rare occasion at a store, you would assume I am heathy. This is why the term “invisible illness” describes many conditions when visible effects of the illness have yet to appear.
My family finally accepted that I need regular rest, i’m crabby, and i am constantly experiencing pain when I was diagnosed with RA. Now they leave me out of nearly everything. There is no happy medium.
My brother is getting married in 2 months and I still haven’t met my future sister in law. My parents have. They even went on holiday with her and my brother.
Last summer we were literally a few days away fr being homeless. This is down to the high medical costs each month. My mom came here to help. Her idea of helping was starting a fight. She said my husband is a bad provider (over looking that he cares for her sick daughter) and a liar! She ended the tiraid by saying she is no longer my mother, i am not her daughter. She will never step foot in my house again.
It is a rare day when i fail to hear those words ringing in my head. My brother lives at my parent’s house, does not pay rent, does not contribute to the household in any way; but my husband is the bad provider and I am the terrible daughter.
My bro and future wife will LIVE at my parent’s house until they can save money to move out. He has been living ther 7 or 8 yrs!! Rent Free!
Now everytime i call all i hear about is my brother’s fiancee. I get info from my parents not my brother. He tells me very little i only found out today the wedding date.
I feel invisible. My sickness is an “invisible” illness, not me! I feel like my mom now has her replacement daughter and son who provides for no one. (The only person he buys Christmas gifts for is himself. Literally! He says Christmas is commercialized and will not buy gifts. Then the day after Christmas hits the sales and spends a minimum of $200 on himself.)
My brother has forgotten that he has a sister who would like to meet her future sister in law and somehow be involved in the wedding, perhaps planning. His fiancee will stay one night in the city where i live in a few weeks and my dad will drive her to their house. I am allowed to see her for 5 mins to say hello.
I said to my husband tonight i felt like attending the wedding as a guest, not as family. I have no idea what is going on.
I broke down crying uncontrollably.and have not been able to sleep. Its as if he and my parents don’t want me there. I feel like they would be happier without me.
1 comment
sounds like we have the same mom… yikes!!
Sometimes it helps when we recognize that although we want our mothers to be loving, accepting, and comforting people, they are, after all, just people. They have their own issues and demons that essentially prevent them from being the mothers we need. My mom, for example, suffered from severe depression and anxiety my entire childhood. She would stay in her room for days on end and then start freaking out that she couldn’t breathe and she was dying… finally in high school she was Baker Acted (if your not from the states – legally forced into the hospital,deemed not competent to decide for herself) and diagnosed. Somehow, it made it easier to deal with her knowing that she wasn’t just a selfish ***** (hope that doesn’t offend).
Anyhow, through the years I’ve done some research, I too am a hot mess, and based on her characteristics I am convinced she is narcissistic… look into that. There’s tons of sites that describe it and it will help explain a lot if she is. Narcissistic mothers are lethal!!
As far as the wedding, you know what you should do…. you need to completely bypass your family and contact the fiancee yourself. You need to become her best friend and get her on your side because who knows what has been said about you already. Don’t talk about your family to her though, she’ll only tell your brother and he’ll tell your mom.
If you get in good with the fiancee, she’ll ask you to help with the wedding and maybe that will open the door to you feeling more welcomed. If you think about it from a different perspective, you could be gaining a sister, a friend.
Your brother?… from my experience, brothers are idiots. What does he really know about you except whatever your mom tells him and its not in their nature, I don’t think, to consider visiting you or calling, not out of malice or anything but just cause they’re guys… you know?
I hope you get a ‘feeling half way human’ moment real soon, I don’t know chronic physical pain but I imagine its like being held prisoner in your own body, can’t escape it….
Good luck!